Thanks everyone for the info....I think that is my H....he had an exit affair but then again he has been seeing her for a while and it was another before that....and i had no clue....i surely feel kind of stupid to have put him so high on that pedistal..
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, never feel stupid for trusting your husband. Like me you were together a long time and that was built on trust. In hindsight we see so much, but then I think I would rather have had my faith shattered at the end of 29 years than to have lived a life of suspiscion. You had so much more than many people will ever have. One day you will be grateful for that but it takes time.
Yes it was like that for me too. I takes time for the feelings to come to the surface again. My H wouldn't tell me he loved me or wear his wedding ring even though he moved back home. He was still working on the buried feelings. It took a very long time and almost floored me when he put on his ring and didn't even tell me. Then the ILY's started again.
The intimacy, yep! There were no feelings toward me on his part. No emotions, no love. He didn't act the same. Believe me that has all changed now!!! It takes time for them to finally get through the last part of MLC.
Hang in there.
Y
Thank you very much Yellowrose,
Yesterday I went out with my sister, I hardly ever go anywhere Ofcourse on the one day I go anywhere I run into my husband's friend and my youngest BIL. Thats ok though I saw my BIL earlier in the evening already. My BIL just laughed seeing me out.
My husband's friend sees the change in my husband and they do not talk much anymore. He advised me to move forward and let my hubby come running. My husband's friend and brother both think my husband has no appreciation for me. It hurts because sometimes I feel the same way. I also remind myself of people like you who pulled through and have a better marriage.
God promises full restoration and He restores tenfold.
So I am going to hang in there and finally after a long time I am actually begining to GAL. Its just so hard to do with four young children and work.
YR - a question for you: when your h was coming out of MLC - before he started reconnecting to you, did he become less 'alien' around other memebers of the family? My youngest son reported that his father was more like his old self, but that when he disagreed with his father on ANYTHING he had a temper tantrum like a toddler! He has been Mr dead eyed alien for so long that is has worn us all out!
I am glad you are GALing more. I know how had it is to do that too. I have a disabled D. Even though she is an adult she is more at the 2 year old level so I have to make plans around her.
My H's friends back away from him too. He was really mean and ugly to them. Since he has come around now the friends are back and we all have a good time.
Remember my S used to call my H an A@@. My H did apologized to my S towards the end before moving home. He reconnected with my S first then my D. His brothers were next and then our doggies. Of course I was last on the totem pole. I could see the changes in him when he came over. He was much more calmer and I could see my old H peeking through.
Did you at one point feel that there would be NO way that your H would even consider coming back ? Meaning his life was allready in a different direction?
About the reconnecting..he is now introducing ow to his parents, and has been trying harder to reconnect with them for a few months now...but I think it is only because he wants them to accept ow....
Just wondering stuff today...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
YR - thanks for the reply, you said he was calmer, but did your h also become more volatile as he slowly reconnected - not so much the old spewing, as erratic and rather childish? I just cannot remember . . . But it is good that the ded eyes are starting to go . . . I know they reconnect from the outside in, I also know that my h has a goodish way to go - remember that I have been at this a loooong time!
Angelica -- just want to say, it's so nice to have you back ! I always enjoy reading your well-thought-out posts and I like your view on life and on this 'crisis' they have !
The eyes...still there...
Also, nothing I say seems to stick in his memory...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
