Hmmm...not sure what to say here whatdidido...its all been said.

The no contact policy is there for your protection more than your husbands. If you communicate with OM, even reading a letter he wrote, you are back to day 1 of the process.

The best comparison of an affair I have heard to date is to dieting. Affairs are like binging, and if you cheat on your diet, you are back to square one all over again.

The worst of it is, you will feel guilty for cheating on your diet and feel miserable, which just promotes thoughts of cheating on your diet MORE.

Healthy actions breed healthy actions, but unhealthy actions breed MORE unhealthy actions. You really have to CUT IT OFF ENTIRELY or you will be undoing all the hard work you did.

If you are getting hang ups on your phone and you think it may be the OM, there are telephone services that allow you to block certain numbers or even ANY call that doesn't identify itself.

My home doesn't use an answering machine because this makes the call still invasive. We use a service and can turn off the phone entirely for days if we wanted to.

I think the hang ups on the phone may be bothering him more than you are aware. If I were him they would be inducing panic to some degree. He likley feels violated, his home, his life, his relationship were violated by some horrible man and now this man just has to pick up the phone to hurt your husband.

I honestly don't think your OM is as kind as you are painting him to be, he sounds like he may still be interfering. Some couples actually change their phone number and email addresses so they arnen't harassed anymore.

I know your OM agreed not to interfere, but your husband may feel better knowing you have a new unlisted number.

Thoughts of the OM? Drive them away with the damage he's done. Just imagine how hurt your husband feels, imagine all the tears...the OM did that...how can you have warm thoughts of someone who hurt your husband that much? Your mind won't let the OM in if you keep doing that. You just keep romanticizing the OM too much, he's NOT a figure of romance, the OM in most affairs are home-wreckers, sexual predators, and morally immature.

I don't think anyone on this board is having romantic thoughts of your OM, they lilkey all think the OM is an ass. Join us, you can get there too, just realize what the OM has done and may still be doing to your life, your husband, your SON!

I am sure your husband can pick up on these thoughts on some level, change them to something akin to ours and your husbands. The OM is a home-wrecker,no more than that.

If you find you ARE thinking of the OM...DO SOMETHING...do some dishes, clean up your home, get out of your house and call a friend...get your body doing something that your MIND needs to get involved in so you take your MIND ELSEWHERE.

I am pretty sure thoughts of the OM don't show up when you are busy concentrating on something. So, if the OM shows up in your mind, start DOING something that DRIVES the OM out by necessity. Do something that requires too much of your concentration to allow the OM in. My guess is thoughts of the OM show up when your mind is relaxing a bit and your guard is down...and then the OM sneaks in on you.

Get busy, that's what get a life DOES, it gets your mind on healthy activities and gets your mind AWAY from destructive thoughts. DO IT, and thoughts won't have time to build up.

I would change your phone number too, just to be safe, AND any email addresses you may have or IM names your OM may know of...change all the contact info. You are TRUSTING that the OM will keep away...DONT!!! End the affair by ENDING CONTACT...end contact by making it IMPOSSIBLE for contact to HAPPEN.

Its intersting that you ended the affair, but haven't changed your contact information...at least it sounds like you haven't changed it. Put up the brick wall to the OM and your mind will follow.