I see that your heart is telling you one thing and your head is telling you another. That's hard isn't it?
Thanks yoyo for understanding. I just don't know what to do (file or let it be for a bit longer). Maybe I shouldn't do anything til I know for sure...
Quote:
I think that him moving out was the first step and unless you think he is wanting to fix the M, you need to go forward. Why drag it out, that will only be more heart wrenching for you. Just my .02.
Getting him to move out was seriously the best thing I did in this entire mess. The peace that followed FAR outweighs the pain of missing him. And yes, you are right, I need to see that he isn't anywhere near wanting to reconcile.
Journaling:
Had super fun times with D's this weekend. They won 2 fish at a carnival yesterday and thought it was soooo amazing. I gently explained they were 'carnival fish' and might not be very healthy, so they were thrilled to see they survived the night.
H continues to be kind and respectful after our blow up. I had a ROUGH Friday morning. Was in a bad/sad place and saw OW at school for the first time in a long time. She was there with her dad (who condoned the A) and they spent a lot of time looking at me. I ignored them and tried to enjoy the morning. Both girls were clingy/tired so that was hard. Finally broke down, cried quietly on the way home and made a counseling appt for the afternoon.
Therapist turned my day around. Let me cry, let me talk, then reminded me I can't change the past, can't control the future, but I can live in the day and appreciate what I have. Drove home feeling so much better, and really had a nice weekend. H stopped by both nights, but I remained light and peaceful.
H rifled through my purse last night. ??!!! I also received a text from a friend (Hi SallyM!) and he is convinced I am having sex. Went like this:
H: That your man?
Me: No man.
H: Oh whatever, you know you are having sex.
Me: I won't be having sex again until I am in a loving, trusting relationship.
H: (quiet). Well, all you would have to do is walk up to a guy and say 'I need sex' and you would get it.
Me: I could ask you for it if that's all I wanted.
H: True
Oh and therapist mentioned to have my paperwork ready (for mediation), but no need to bring it up by the end of May if I am not ready. But he H approaches me, be prepared and don't fight it. That's what I'll do for now.
