But I do not agree with the common advice given on here to constantly hold your tongue -- say nothing, do nothing, act happy.
When I caught my husband cheating I confronted him. I waved cell phone bills in his face. I told the children. My son called OW and told her what our family thought of her affair with my H. And guess what? The affair ended. That day. Then we went to Retrouvaille and learned to communicate. Communication is what holds a marriage together, not silence.
It is 17 months since we reconciled. We are happily married, with an active sex life, and we volunteer to help others at Retrouvaille weekends. We are different people. And we did not become different people by pretending that we were happy when we weren't. We didn't solve our problems by pushing them under the rug. We solved our problems by taking a direct approach. Maybe it's not for everybody. But don't tell people it can't work. It can.
It definitely works for a lot of people. It also blows up for a lot of people. Not for the faint of heart.
SG, a serious, sincere question for you:
Don't you think it tends to work best when "confrontational" is NOT the betrayed spouse's natural style? When it represents a "180" for them?
I tend to think that if the person is normally a strong, perhaps even "controlling" person anyway, then maybe it's not advised, but that when the person has been passive, maybe it works best?
You have seen both sides; is there any correlation?
