Wading with Water wings - 23 years...

[CBK]

Thanks all - a lot of good advice in all ways. It has been 8 weeks since the bomb was dropped on me - from what I can tell from almost all posters, you all had hard times listening and acting on advice. I have really been trying to weigh everything I have been told. Have I made good decisions, probably not, were they impulsive, yes, some were as they were eating me up. Some of you said man up and tell family about he A, others said don't do - Are my emotions in overdrive, yea, would be lying to you if I said they were not. Have I pushed W away, possibly, is there hope, who knows. As for the letter, that was very situational, I was very much okay with the letter, the end product was about 1/2 as long and really talked about me, not about her. This was something my IC and I talked about. Was I planning to send that day? No, but even knowing the info, I had to do what was right at the time.

The hardest thing I have had a hard time doing is detaching from WAW. Today has been a great day for me. As I said in an earlier post, did I feel those things today, yes, did I act on them, no. It is impossible to just stop the feelings and emotions - even if it is was 3 years or 26 years, it is tough.

So for tonight, we were at the same dinner tonight - she was the one that was that felt uncomfortable, not me tonight - I felt good the entire night. Said goodbye to all of our friends and left and got home. Was there some "faking it until I make it" possibly. The only thing I noticed about tonight was that I was quieter than usual because WAW said my ego was "too big" - but by the end of the night, I was getting more comfortable in figuring out just being around friends in this type of sitch.

I will go back and re-read all the posts for the last few weeks.


The area where I wish I would have followed the advice the most is stop snooping as that was one of my biggest downfalls. What this did was gave me too much information to act on - I was in panic mode and probably got worse every time I read something. That in itself lead to my constant backsliding and lack of detachment.

I am not sure what I am missing today - I was strong today, felt good about where I am - in many ways, this was a good thing. If this leads to D papers, well, I will be okay. My WAW left our M a long time ago, I just didn't know it. I am making changes, even W has acknowledged them, so I know I am doing some things right. I am not whining or complaining or trying to be obnoxious by not listening, I actually hear a lot - I have not acted on a lot, but today, have made more progress in one day than I have in 3 weeks.

Again, thanks all.

CBK