I have read CBK's last thread and this one. What I see is someone who is thinking deeply about his problem and trying to find solutions. But he will need to choose his own solutions. He is consulting people here, he is seeing a MC, an IC, talking to friends and talking to a priest. So he is getting plenty of advice. And he is choosing what to do. I see a person who thinks before he acts. But I do not agree with the common advice given on here to constantly hold your tongue -- say nothing, do nothing, act happy.
When I caught my husband cheating I confronted him. I waved cell phone bills in his face. I told the children. My son called OW and told her what our family thought of her affair with my H. And guess what? The affair ended. That day. Then we went to Retrouvaille and learned to communicate. Communication is what holds a marriage together, not silence.
It is 17 months since we reconciled. We are happily married, with an active sex life, and we volunteer to help others at Retrouvaille weekends. We are different people. And we did not become different people by pretending that we were happy when we weren't. We didn't solve our problems by pushing them under the rug. We solved our problems by taking a direct approach. Maybe it's not for everybody. But don't tell people it can't work. It can.
I've been on this site for a year, and I have seen many people DB their hearts out only to end up divorced. I'm not saying it can't work. I'm just saying there's no guarantee that it will work. So the LBS needs to make his own choices about what he wants to do in his sitch. Because in the end, he has to live with the results. So he should be able to say, "I did what I thought was right."
And I don't see anywhere that CBK is not taking responsibility for his choices. So I think all the criticism of him is over the top.
