I left off on my other thread saying that I had an interesting convo with H today. Here's what happened... It started out somewhat negative because I sort of freaked out early inthe afternoon. He came and got D because he said I wasn't setting a good example for her the last thing she needs is a depressed Mom. So we later talked over the phone after i calmed down and he agreed to bring her back. They arrived and we decided to take her to the park.
At the park we sat on a bench while D played with some kids she knew. H and I started talking about us yet again. He was saying that he's an open book and the only thing he's ever done is had a short lived EA with a student/friend. I belive him and know him enough to know when he's honest. He told me that when we got married he really believed that I would be the one to grow old with him. That he promised me and God a lot and that is why he feels so awful for whats happened to us. I was very sad while we talked. He always tells me that he doesn't want me to be sad or for us to be depressed. He reached out for me and we hugged and held each other. Then he told me numerous times that he loved me and felt a lot of love for me. We kissed (not quite on the mouth) and both cried. We kept holding each other for the longest time while we talked about our life together. He is very sad about the need to leave and told me that we would be ok. He said that we had a beautiful connection and that would never change but we needed for her to see us happy.
H told me that I need to just get a hold of my life and learn from my and our mistakes. That life is too short to let this stop me. He's right. One of the main priciples of DB is to GAL and that's something I haven't done well with.
He said that nobody knows what the future holds and anything could happen. I told him not to close the door on us and he said he was really scared to ever give it another try. The last time I told him that he said he couldn't. But at the very beginning he said he didn't want to. I guess his responses are getting better.
The convo had a lot of positives and not many negatives. The biggest negative is he said he's been on a couple of dates. He said however that they've been more like simply doing something with someone. He said he's not interested in getting into anything because after this mess he doesn't need another!
So that's how my day went. I'm going to take the positives and keep fighting and standing for my M. I'm going to ignore the negatives. I'm going to move on and GAL. Also I need to work on my attitude. So as I said at the end of my last thread...New thread new attitude
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
