Wading with Water wings - 23 years...

[CBK]

Hey guys, I was journaling - did I think those things, absolutely, maybe I shouldn't type them any more... I didn't go over - I was just stating what was going through my head. I keep reading the post saying that I am doing it all over again - this is what my day was like:

Got up, went to gym, had a great workout, thought about, but didn't act on anything, was very much okay and in control. Journaled a bit and posted some thoughts for others and went to rodeo with D21 - never even thought about WAW, just had a great time. Just got home, WAW is here gathering some stuff. I was upbeat, asked what time she was going tonight and said I would see her there. No big deal. I do feel as if I am detaching, am I going to have some thoughts every know and then, I would imagine so.

Help me, what did I do that was wrong - was it the thought? I actually learned the lesson - there was no way in heck I was going over there or even driving by. What she does on her time is up to her. Is it because I said I started to feel guilty because of the sitch? Those were temporary thoughts were in my mind, after I posted, they were gone.

She just left and yelled up the stairs that she is leaving and - I said see you tonight.

She has her freedom, she can do what she wants - that is what I did all day today, did what I wanted, thought about her briefly, sure thing, I am not going to lie about it. Do I feel sorry for myself, not one bit right now. Sorry if my post was in the moment - stream of consciousness type of post.

Tonight, we are going to the dinner seperately - so what, I am going to dress nice, look sharp and not worry about her. I am going to be with friends that have been good to me during this and will go have fun.

Is WAW pissed at me, probably. I have no choice to treat like water of ducks back. I have no desire to get into a convo about anything right now. Again, help me out, what am I missing that is so obvious to others. I honestly feel a weight lifted last night, I have been in a PMA for all but about 30 minutes today.

Please keep checking on my, keep telling me where I am faltering. I actually felt pretty good today, even right now. I need the 2x4's and hopefully you will see different types of posts from me.

CBK