I will post more later. Right now, I believe this is ending in D. H just called, asked if I could talk, I said yes. The R talk started out alright but ended up going downhill.
H wants a D....BUT HE WILL NOT SAY IT. He wants ME to make the decision for him. I just know it.
I explained to him, VERY CALMLY, that I could honestly go either way. Either we BOTH WORK TOGETHER towards salvaging our R - meaning we BOTH act as kind, appreciative, non-blaming, rational adults and TALK to each other about what we BOTH want and expect from one another - or we decide to D.
He pointed out that he is unhappy, does not think it can be worked out, things have changed too much and we "can't get back what we had" (duh! Of course it won't be the same, but that doesn't necessarily mean it can't be better than what it was), he thinks I would be happier with someone else and without him, he thinks the kids might be happier without him around because he knows they have heard us fight, and so on, and so on. All negative thoughts.
H kept asking, "So if this doesn't work out, what's going to happen afterwards?".....He's referring to D terms (splitting of community assets, child/spousal support, custody, etc). I told him if he needed time, I understood that, but he needed to give me HIS decision first. Then we would go on from there.
He said, "Well, what happens after weighs heavily on my decision." He wants to know what I'm going to ask for in the D, and THAT will determine whether or not he wants to still live together or D......??????.........After he JUST said all this negative crap about why he thinks D is best.......??????
Whatever.
I again told him he needed to make HIS choice first, then we'd discuss the next phase.
Nope. Not good enough. He wants the answer to HIS question NOW!!!
He was getting angry while I remained calm and intact the whole time. It was frustrating him. He started to yell, I said, "I will not speak to you if you're going to yell at me. G'bye." and hung up.
He called back immediately, was still a little loud, and I told him to stop right there. If he wanted to talk, I was willing to listen, but he had to quit yelling. Oooooooooh, he was seeeeeeething!
He kept saying, "I don't understand why you can't just answer my question, dammit!" Finally, I said, "For the last time, MAKE YOUR DECISION about what YOU want to do - you either want to work towards having a better R as a MATURE adult or you want a D. If you've made your choice, JUST SAY IT. If not, call me when you have it, can SAY IT, and then we will talk, but respect the fact that I may need some time to think things through. The same kind of respect I am willingly giving to you."
OMG, he was mad!!!!
So I had to say enough, g'bye, and hung up again.
I have to go to work now, so hopefully he'll cool down before I get back. But I hope even more that he will not be here tonight.
Happy Anniversary to me! LOL! *Sigh* What a joke!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
