Quack Quack...

[stella_k]

(((((Jen))))),

you didn't do MORE, because you COULDN'T. You've done your best back then and you're doing your best now, don't be so hard on yourself.

And - your H reacts to the changes you've made, you said so yourself.

I wish you a wonderful week, please try to love and indulge the child within you. Enjoy the sushi .

I will talk to you in a week or so.

(((((hugs))))))

[JenInVen]

Thanks Stella. I guess sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. H
says that I could drown in a glass of water.

Well, I have learned a lot here so I know that I can and will do better.

Jen

[JenInVen]

I think I did a 180 today. D and I are going to Disney on Ice this afternoon. Normally H will bring us where ever we are going. I told him that he didn't have to and that D and I would take the metro (subway) there. I think he was surprised that I didn't try and arrange his afternoon so he could take us. I just said to him "don't worry about taking us. There will be a lot of traffic and you'll stress yourself out having to sit in the car. Take it easy and we'll go by metro" He kept asking "are you sure?" I HAVE to send him message when we arrive there, and when we leave.

Jen

[addie]

Good job on the 180! I hope you and D have a wonderful time at the show.

[One Day]

YAY on the 180 Jen- that sounds brilliant, and it sounds like he was really surprised by it. Brilliant!!

Have a fantastic time at the show- I hope D especially enjoys it, and the adventure of going on the tube!

(((((Jen)))))

L.xx

[JenInVen]

Hi Addie and Lisa. Thanks for the boost of confidence.

We had a great time. It was Disney's Princesses On Ice this time and it was as great as the others we've seen. The biggest concern on the Metro was trying not to get trampled by all the people. aggh.

The texts I sent him to check in where brief. Things like. "Done now going to Metro", "Back" etc. Very impersonal. He left me a VM about a couple issues with some students. It was odd though because when I asked him about it further he said we'd talk tomorrow. ok not a problem.

I think he was releived not having to take us because Caracas has a lot of traffic anyday but Fridays are horrific. I showed him that he's not THAT needed. LOL

Jen

[JenInVen]

I still find the weekend nights rough. I sometimes wonder where he is and who he's with. If he's having a good time. Those thoughts can eat me up at night. For the past 2 months or so I've been waking up between 5:30 and 5:50 and I can't get back to sleep thinking about whatever it was I went to sleep thinking.

Is there a "special" way to get these thoughts out of my head. Do you guys do anything to keep them from popping up or do you just focus your attention on something else? I find that works during the day but the nights are worse.

Thanks
Jen

[TwinDad]

Jen,

I started my first night alone not of my choice for the first time in about 12 years tonight. I knew this was coming down the road and as much as I tried to prepare myself for it....it still wasn't enough. Up until that point the mornings were the roughest because they represented a day closer to when the separation was going to happen. Tonight all I feel is numbness I guess a part of me had held out hope that this day wouldn't come. In the past few weeks the two things that seem to help me the most are blogging or just plain crying (it can be exhausting). I hope this helps

[JenInVen]

Hi Twin Dad

In feb when H left I thought I was going to die. D is here with me and spends all her nights here but H will soon rent an apartment and then she'll be gone every second weekend.

Its been 3 1/2 months for me now and I'm doing better and you'll find that as time goes by and you get into a routine it does get easier. Of course there are moments when all you can do is cry yourself to sleep.

Jen

[JenInVen]

Hi everyone

I've asked the mods to lock my thread. After signing the documents to begin the D process Wednesday and the interesting convo H and I had today I think a new attitude is called for. So new attitude new thread!

Jen