For what its worth, I think the other posters have been rather too hard on you - I think if I had not had sex with my spouse for 10 years I would be feeling hurt and pained as well.
But - and this is what the other posters are trying to get across to you - its not just hurt you feel, is it? You feel cheated and bitter and resentful too - at all those wasted years. I can understand that feeling as well, but believe me, it will get you nowhere that is truly happy or fulfilled, either in this relationship or with any other man.
You are the one that has stayed in this sex starved marriage for so many years; you are the one that has given this man chance after chance after chance to fulfil you - why? You are obviously a strong, capable and hard-working woman. Your current situation is entirely a product of your choices. You need to be fundamentally honest with why you made the same choice year after year after year - only you really know that. It's not about judging yourself, or kicking yourself, its about recognising and accepting and making peace with that part of yourself that has obviously held - that's not too strong a word is it? - held you in this marriage for so long.
Please start that healing process now, before anything else. Otherwise, your resentment will drive all kinds of bad choices.
You can then start calmly discussing with your husband a separation and the vexed issue of your joint finances.
Think about it.
Strong&Alive
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
