I can certainly relate to the time lapses and things its so odd. Or he thinks he told me something but didn't????
HeartSacred, about the time lapses - check this out. My wife had an idea to start a business around one of her passions. She investigated and was developing some ideas. She had been mentioning it to me, telling me about the possibilities, giving me brief updates. One day I came home from work and we had a 45 minute conversation about it. This was all after I knew about her affair, we were in counseling, trying to work things out. I was so pleased to just be able to listen to her and support her. I was paying special attention so I did not start butting in, suggesting ways to structure the business, ways to do things. I was pleased that this was her idea and her initiative. I offered no solutions, but instead just listened to her ideas and commented on them. She was smiling and animated and excited and she shared it all with me. It was pure pleasure. Most of me was 100% there in the conversation, but 5% of me was on the sidelines screaming YES YES YES!!! I was so happy we were just talking.
Then we had a couples counseling session about 3 days later. She lit into me about not even caring about this business idea she had been developing. She told me I didn't show the slightest interest, I hadn't even asked her about it. She said it showed that I totally do not care about her. I was dumbstruck. I told her I was interested, I reminded her we had talked about it for a long time. She didn't believe me. Then I repeated back to her all her plans, and what she had done so far, and her other ideas, other options she was going to check out. She had no recollection of our conversation. None. She didn't know what to make of me repeating all this to her.
The only way I can figure it: she told the other man all her plans, and then somehow got confused as to which one she told and which one she did not. OR maybe she, being in love with OM, was convinced that she told him, when it was really me she had the conversation with. Whatever. Regardless, it was very odd.
If I had only read about this thing, I would have a hard time believing it really happened. But it happened to me.
--- About the sexual intimacy through this time - oh hold on to any connection you've got, sister. I think you played it great with your "mmm-hmmmmmm". Sounds like what you're doing there is good for both of you.
