She said (I don't remember the exact words) that communication wasn't the problem, that I needed to change.
Okay - let me preface this by saying, your wife obviously has serious issues and a lot of this is about her. BUT - what exactly does she feel you need to change?
After all, the only thing we really have control over is ourselves. And most of us find that personal growth and change is the key to DBing. And frankly, when one partner changes, the dynamic has to change.
So - what exactly does she feel you need to change? What needs of HERS are you not meeting? (We already know she's not meeting your need for physical touch, and i'm sorry for that). An excellent book to read on this subject is Chapman's Five Love Languages. You may feel you've been expressing your love to her all along, but if it hasn;t been in her "love language", she may not be hearing you, and may be feeling as unloved as you do at the moment.
Finally - I hear and feel your pain, I really do. But just consider that, if it is possible to keep a civil home, it may truly be better for your kids for you to wait a few years before divorcing, if it comes to that.
