Yesterday was the three-year anniversary of the bomb. To me that is probably the most significant of the painful anniversaries, because my life really did change immediately and, as it turns out, permanently, after that day.
I took S15 to school, and spent a little bit of time composing one of those never-to-be-sent letters to XH. I included the good things that had "come out of it" as well as the painful and harmful things. I didn't spare him my assessment of the morality of his behavior and that of new Mrs. XH. It felt necessary.
Then I just spent the day putzing on small projects around here that I wanted to make some progress on. You know how when starting clean-up projects, the house tends to look a whole lot worse for awhile, before it begins to look better? Well I'm still in that phase at the moment. Went to a meeting last night. Had pancakes for supper with extra syrup!
All in all, I'd say it is the least painful and most forward-feeling of the anniversaries so far. I can really say that I had no urge to actuallyy call XH and say anything like "do you know what day today is?" That in itself is huge, at least for me.
I'm grateful for the good that has come of it, not least of which is the caring and sensible advice I've had from this board, from the DB philosophy and from Michelle's books.
Tonight is a girls night out: we're going to see a local production of Cabaret. I've seen it several times before, including the Broadway revival. But I love the balance of sadness and decadence--it's definitely an adult story though, so I'm glad S15 is with his dad this weekend.
No dates on the horizon, although I'm noticing lots of eye contact and smiles from the single men at the meetings! Hope springs...
