omg, he's here, I look great, cleaned the house (he's a complete psycho neat-freak), was nice and NOW he's upstairs BLEACHING the bathroom!!!!!!! I did a "mini" slip and had "tone" and said "you don't have to do that" and he said, "yeah, well you won't". I just kept my mouth shut. that was it. god I hate when he's here. I need a f'ing valium.
well, I'm doing pretty good, I had tears in my eyes (dammit!) at one point that I know he saw, but complimented him on his shirt (meant it), thanked him for helping with the garbage, etc. and was very nice. a "touch" pathetic, NOTHING like I have been in the past, but a definate improvement. OK, he's gone -- I can go bawl my eyes out now.
KALNI!! I did exactly as you advised and told him I wasn't going through with the legal paper barring OW from d5. He had this totally curious look and said, "why?" and I said very calmly and lovingly "you're a great dad and I know you have common sense and I know you will make the right choice regarding this issue." THEN after about 5 minutes, I was on the computer, he was in the kitchen and he walked by and goes, "you have a boyfriend, don't you?" and I just gave him a smile and said, "no" kind of playful-like. what do you think about that?
Hey, sounds like you did great granted how you feel. Happy face needs sime fine tunning but yes, you did great.
Did you get his agreement on the Ow issue? I think you surprised him in a positive way and that's good. But if you really feel this woman should never come in contact with your D, you should tell him what you want and firm and clear about it. I h ope he got the message. If not, you may need to tell him again.
CHEER UP Maryangela. We are all in the same boat and believe me once you get so low, things can only get better. At least that's what I experienced.
thanks guys. just had therapy. thank the lord. I feel like I'll never get over this. how can someone who was so inlove with you -- chased you, practically, had a child with you, bought a house with you, restored that 150 year old house with you, do something like this??? I'll never understand it. I know I shouldn't torture myself, but I just keep thinking that this OW is so f'ing fabulous and has "won him" and I'm nothing. and I literally know nothing about her, just that she exists and he's "so in love".
I need help with goals. I'm really commiting to db'ing now as I saw a SMALL shift yesterday when h was over because of MY behavior.
I've read the chapter in DR so many times and still have trouble with this.
ok, here's my goals
1. I'd like h to move back home by September 2 I'd like h to give me a hug when he leaves 3. I'd like to have h give me a compliment -- even a small one 4. I'd like h to ask about ME when he calls not just d5 5. I'd LOVE even a small sign of affection
OK, how are these for goals. all advise is appreciated.
I am not good with goals...it's really hard b/c of the idea that you cannot control so many things. So, I ask, what would have to happen before these goals of yours would occur? Also, 2 and 5 are related...so perhaps, make a goal of H showing any small sign of affection would precede the hug goal. Just a thought. I also think that 3 and 5 are related. If he gives you a compliment, then if it were me, I'd be showing you affection. Thus, I'd narrow my goals a bit. I'd also take stock of those small things that lead to the biggest of your goals - him moving back home...I am the one booted from the house...I'd love to go back home. 5D told me the other night - after bible stories question - can God do anything? She said yes - and then said, "I want Mommy to let you come home tomorrow."
It's hard...it really is...but make your goal list smaller and attainable. Can you get any of these in the next couple weeks. What would have to happen in order to get a compliment say. Could you do a 180 or something different or something for him that would prompt a reaction from him? Just brainstorming...
go back and think of some things that YOU want to achieve for YOU. Things that will make you feel better, look better, live better. Your first goal should be to be happy and then break it down to many little or big things that will get you there. I know all you can think about now is your H, but trust me your ULTIMATE goal which is to have your family complete again will be achieved through the goals you set up for YOURSELF.
Come on, you can do it. Shift this whole mess around. Take the brave decision to improve yourself. You can set goals for you than you know would affect your H too but remember, no one wants to go back to the same old sh$t!!! You have to be the better option. How can you do that? Think!
