Andy, I'm glad you've decided to start a thread. I'm glad you feel the BB is a place of safety, friendship and most of all a place to work out a lifelong plan... DBing, my friend.
One thing we have both agreed upon is that to DB is to do what works and to not do what doesn't. First let me get selfish and talk about what cyclical behaviors DO NOT work for me: the placing the situation in a box: the MLC box, putting a little ribbon around it and focusing on my H's problems, our M, the past, and looking at it with the MLC-tinted glasses on it. Now, allow me the courtesy to point out, IMHO, your cyclical behaviour: philosophisizing, understanding your W. I want you to break the pattern Andy and think about you. I want you to obsess about you. You have developed an amazing amount of strength in accepting the bad that happens in our lives. Life's a bowl of pits, right? I want you to let yourself smile. I want a report of the moment you smile. When you're walking down the street and you see a guy do something, like step on bubble gum on his way to the prom and crack up. Or that you look in the mirror and there's the faintest glimmer in your eye. Andy, you have so much to offer yourself.
Maybe your W would like it if you made yourself happy for a change and then she couldn't resist hanging onto your coat for a ride.
Then I want you to give me an assignment. You do not live in the gutter my friend, or on an island.
Andy, let your W fall in love with you again in her own timeframe. Look at your situation that you are one of the lucky ones. You have TIME on your hands. How can anyone love you if you don't love yourself. Look at the parts of you that you haven't looked at yet.
