Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[SirPrizeMe]

Sometimes I think about these people as if they are ill - and I don't mean to sound condescending or arrogant. But there is something going on, they are not able to see as you see, or as I see.

Imagine your husband took a fall and broke his leg badly. And he can't walk. Imagine you jogging in place next to him, saying, "Come on, let's go! Let's go for a run! Come on, feel the air in your lungs, let's just stretch our legs and run for a while!" But you'd never do that. You'd be patient with him. You would recognize that he just cannot walk, let alone run. That he is injured. That he needs to rest and heal. And maybe later he'll run again. Maybe in a long while.

What you are asking him to do - stay with you and just work through this thing - is the same. He just can't do it. You cannot see the break, but there is something broken in him preventing him from running. He can't run. He can't walk. He can barely stand. He needs to rest, to heal, to get away, to stop trying.

This is my theory anyway, as it applies to my situation. And I think yours is similar.

I hope this doesn't sound condescending, or as if I feel I am superior to my spouse. I'm not. I don't want to be. But either she really was inhabited by aliens, or she is having a mental health event, just like a physical health event like a broken leg.

Exhorting my wife to run with me didn't work. I tried too long. In the end it alienated her from me. Honestly, I think it made it worse.

What REALLY made it worse was me being so angry and disappointed. I think marriage is important and I take it seriously. I think divorce would be a tragedy for my children. And I communicated that to her. But that did not change her heart. It only made her feel worse about what she HAD TO DO: Leave.