Start of the long and bumpy road........

[TwinDad]

Hi, I have made a couple of threads but figured I would start a new "chain thread" laying out my situation.

Tonight I started my first night of being alone not by my choice in the first time in about 12 years. I have been knowing this was going to happen for about a month but had been holding out hope that it wouldn't (even implementing some divorce busting techniques in the process)

Here is my situation:

Approximately 8 months ago I suspected that my wife was starting an EA with an ex boyfriend. She was switching windows on her laptop whenever I would walk in the room, started IMing via myspace back and forth with this person (and making sure that the logs were not being recorded). I was able to check one of her messages and found some very suggestive language to this person; you+me=chemistry and the good old days, If I could have you for one night words couldn't describe what I would do. I was very confused since things seemed to be going very well with us (we were having great sex and had decided to try to have another baby). Yet this activity was nagging at me. So I arranged for our nanny cam to record a little longer than expected when I was out on a business trip......and got caught (which was strange in itself since she hadn't checked it in a long long time).

Needless to say this led to a big blowout and six months of turmoil. I started immediately started to try to work things out and appeared to have started to make very good progress (good sex again and having good times) until shortly after christmas when she said that this wasn't working and that we needed to get a divorce. Confused again, I decided to check into things a little bit and found out she had been text messaging this same person about 300 times/month (all when I wasn't present and sometimes late in the evening/early morning when out with her friends).

Things started to go a little better, we actually went on a nice family vacation to a cabin in the mountains and seemed to have great time until I got the phone bill and saw that while we were on the vacation, she felt the need to text message this same person several times during our "family" trip.

Despite this we made plans to make a new beginning away from here and work on adding to our family and then she went 180 on me again. Being suspicious once again, I was able to locate his myspace page and saw pictures on there from New Years Eve with my wife (we got in a big fight that night and she said she wen to a friends party)

I have tried to reason with her on this suggesting that neither one of us should have friendship that the other is not comfortable with and had admitted to having a friendship that I knew she was not comfortable with and ended it completely over 6 months ago. It had been an EA about 4 years ago but changed to just a simple brother-sister type relationship since (long story in itself). Even so I ended it voluntarily.

I don't suspect that she is having a PA but was probably having an EA. Deep down I think she just liked getting attention. The contact has dropped off significatly as far as I can tell in the last month. Aside from that we are still separated tonight. I of course made all the classic mistakes in the beginning (pleading, trying to get her to go to counseling, etc...really just being pathetically in love). I feel she is having a mid life crisis....she is unhappy with almost everything in her life and figures I am the easist thing to change.

Some of her "buzz phrases are"
- I have to want to fix this...and I don't want to
- She says she has changed in the last 10 years and I am still the same
- She doesn't trust and respect me

Also she has a lot of built up resentment and thinks I am stealing money from her. I offered to pay to have my finances investigate to prove her wrong and have given her access to all my e-mails (work + home) to show that I am not having any EAs on the side

I truly want this to work out and am a firm believer that we can make the marriage better than it ever has been.

Anyways....my fingers are tired....I appreciate you listening to my sitch