Mel, I have some Irish blood in me. Maybe it'll help me out.
Racheal and Kent,
Yes, I still do things I like to do.
Kent,
I know that my W's issues aren't all about me. Of course, I've made my share of mistakes, and they haven't helped matters, but I also know that I'm a great guy, a great H, and if W thinks she can do better, she's sorrily mistaken. But I don’t think she’s under that impression. She’s told me that she knows I’m a good H, etc.
I knew someone would say that I gotta change myself, and if anyone would insist it would be you, Kent. It’s what you’ve been telling me all along. And ultimately, you may be right. But there’s something basic in me that I have no desire to change. It’s hard to explain, but if you accept that it’s my choice to change it or not, my choice is not to change. In a sense, my choice not to change this particular je ne sais quoi makes me miserable, but I’m not being a martyr. I’m just not allowing circumstances to force me to become someone I’m not. Make sense?
I also take a slightly different look at “their choices.” My W’s sit is not of her choosing. I suppose that the way she’s dealing with things are her choice, but her choices are based on limited options. Things change. We don’t know what her options will be in the future, nor do we know what my options will be.
Leavin’ is an option, but right now it isn’t a palatable one for either of us. Maybe some day it will come to that, but if it ever does, both of us will have to think carefully about the consequences. I watched Dr. Phil yesterday. I don’t always agree with him, but sometimes, he nails it. This is what he had to say about D:
Quoting Dr. Phil's Number One Rule Concerning Divorce:People often ask Dr. Phil, "How do I know if I'm ready to get a divorce?"
The number one thing that you have to know is this: The time to get a divorce is when you can walk out the door with no anger, no resentment and no bitterness.
Now you're probably saying, "Wait a minute, isn't that why you get a divorce?" No. If you've still got anger, resentment and bitterness, you've still got unfinished business. You should be able to walk out the door saying, "I've done everything I can do to resolve this situation. I cannot do it. I accept that. I am moving on with my life." If you can't do that, you've got too much unfinished emotional business
