It's all so insidious. A letter from OM....where did it go to, by the way? And now you are in a funk, down, questioning, comparing H to him. So yeah, the rule is no contact for a reason. this is the reason, it gets you mooning over the guy all over again. Just what he hoped to accomplish.
And H. Yesterday he was so wonderful, today, not so much. Yesterday he said the "right" thing, and you were joyful. Today he said the "wrong" thing, and you went down like a lead balloon. Is it going to keep being that way? Will you bounce up and down on his every word?
You need to accept that you are moody. You get down. It's not everybody else's fault, and it's not your fault. It is human nature. It is part of life. If there are no hills, there are no valleys. Up and down, you will have both kind of days. When you reach menopause, you will find yourself less moody. You'll realize that it was all hormonal. All these mood swings that seem so important, that we attach meanings to, just body chemistry.
So what do you do while you wait for the low mood to pass? Your choice. Everything, except daydream about OM, is on the table. You can write poetry. You can sing, or dance, or play with your child in the sunshine (good idea), work out at the gym, cook a souffle. Whatever, the point is to keep moving forward.
You say you want another child. Have you and H discussed this? Seems like a good topic to work on.
