It’s funny how much things stay the same amid so much change.
When I was young, my parents divorced. I no longer had a father. My older brother became schizophrenic. He was gone. My mother died.
I was hurtin’
Quoting BRIDGET: You've been a rock, time to let your friends shore you up now. Glad you're posting.
At the ripe old age of 15, I decided that I had to be a rock. My younger brother and sister needed me. I had to act as-if I could influence our future. The first thing my brother said to me after mom died was, “What’s going to happen to us?” I had to suck in my own pain to reassure him that I had it all under control (yeah. right.)
My theme song became I am a Rock (Simon and Garfunkle).
I've built walls A fortress deep and mighty That none may penetrate I have no need for friendship Friendship causes pain It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock I am an island
After I finally reconciled with my father, he told me how much he admired us kids: “You guys stood back-to-back against the world.”
One day, I met the woman of my dreams. It wasn’t love at first sight. We became friends. We hung out together and had a lot of laughs. We were pals. Gradually, I came to realize that I wanted more than that. I fell in love.
I was madly in love for over 20 years. So was my W.
But life’s struggles weren’t over. Along with the usual stuff, we had to struggle to raise four kids – including one who had autism – on a single income. We had no family nearby to help us. We stood back-to-back against the world.
Then my job started to involve travel. W was virtually alone to handle it all. And she did it. Alone.
Due to circumstances beyond either of our control, the love of my life gradually fell out of love with me. I wasn’t there for her to support her for a long long time. She spent a lot of nights crying in her pillow. She had to take care of herself and still keep up her onerous responsibilities to her children. She didn’t have any energy left to love me, and my attempts to rekindle things only put pressure on her.
Don't talk of love Well, I've heard the word before It's sleeping in my memory I won't disturb the slumber Of feelings that have died If I'd never loved, I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island
So I’m back to sucking in my pain.
I am a rock I am an island And the rock feels no pain And an island never cries
