(((sh))) I know that must have hurt. I agree with what oc said but would add that things with his family may get a little awkward for you. They are family and they may not totally understand the dynamics of what is going on in your sitch. Try to let it go...it is not a good indicator of what is going on with your H.
During your move, you probably will go into survival mode because you will be so busy...it is okay...try to enjoy the moving process...enjoy the distraction. Everything else will still be waiting for you when you get back into life after your move. You can figure out your next step then.
Your friends see that your H has hurt you and want your pain to stop. I am sure they mean well but your H is the father of your children...it is important that you keep as good of relationship as possible with him. Listening to things like that won't really help you keep things positive...regardless of how things end up. Try to remind them of that.
Thanks OC and Upside... I'm doing better. One positive about this journey is that we do learn to bounce back very quickly after we've been knocked down.
I do understand that I am not a part of the family - I just wish my MIL and SIL would not have said all the things they did about me always being part of the family if they could not follow through with it. It's over and there's no point in wondering whose idea it was. From now on, I know not to assume ANYTHING, especially with regards to H's family. Time for me to detach a little from them too. In my own family, I'm notorious for being overly-sensitive, so that doesn't help.
Upside: Thank you for reminding me about the importance of my R with H, no matter what. I needed that. There are so many people lately telling me that I'm being too nice to H. Maybe I do have too much compassion, empathy and understanding though. Borderline doormat?
OC: Tried calling you before just to chat, but no answer. We'll catch up soon. There's a slight possibility my parents will be moving close to you!
Back to focusing on me and figuring out some things about myself. I still need to come up with that list. But it'll have to wait till after the move.
I really need help with not giving up right now. With having to move on my own while taking care of 2 small kids, and work stress on top of that, I'm beyond stressed. Something's gotta give and I'm ready for it to be my DBing efforts, but I know it's because of all the stress.
Please help me shelf my urge to D until at least August, after things have settled down. Now is not the right time.
I'm also ready to quit my job - but that's more because of the financial problems we're having, due to my boss going against my advice. I'm also starting up something on my own and would like to concentrate on that. I'm not too concerned about dropping the job for now. Or even taking a break from it for a while and going back when I have settled some of the other things going on. I don't like the idea of quitting when things aren't going well, but it is just a job and I can't see our situation improving, no matter how much effort I put in.
Would welcome and greatly appreciate ANY advice/support on keeping the DBing going under such stressful times. Having a really hard time thinking of any of H's good qualities.
Hi sh- I am sorry you are so stressed. Do you think that could have anything to do with why you want to give up right now? What is going to change if move forward with the D now or later? IMO, it would just stress you out more right now. August is not that far away and if you are so busy with everything, then just see if you can put it all out of your mind. Now I need to start listening to myself.
Have you tried mediation or yoga for your stress. I am going to take my first yoga class on Friday...I think.
When I moved, I moved most of my H's belongings with me. I made him come and get his clothes (which he was extremely angry about) but I have all of his other possessions in my garage or in a spare closet. You need to do what is best for you...and if having him get his stuff, then you should do it. If you want to hold on to it longer, then you should do that.
Hang in there sh. I wish I had more advice for you...but I am sure you will find your strength and take the right path.
SH I still have H things here..He left lots of clothes here and basically wears the same cloths over and over. I dont know. I like the idea of packing it up and storing it in a box.. so if you want to hang in another few months try some affirmations like make some up they work try I am ok with my desicion to stand for now I will be ok no matter what the outcome I thank God for being in control every time thought of H or D come in try this instaed Ive been doing this one week and feel so much better My situation is out of my hands nothing to do but move If H decides he wants M, he will let me know thats if I still want Him sometimes I think I dont peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Lack of sleep and tremendous stress is making me looney!
Today I'm feeling like what happened over the past 2+ years with H is no big deal, like I'm really moving on. Maybe being in my new place and getting ready for the move has had an effect on me. It's the first time I'm moving in to a place on my own without H. After 12 years of living together, it's strange but I can't say that I feel all that sad about it.
Upside: I've tried yoga, but I prefer pilates. I should explore meditation though. Wonder if it would help. I think I've decided to pack up H's things and bring them with me, unless he asks for them. Store them until I'm ready to get rid of them. Take it a step at a time.
peace: Thanks for sharing what works for you. I've been trying to realistically imagine how things would be if H were to come home. When I think of that, I realize we're BOTH far from ready - standing becomes more bearable and patience is much easier to have. It also makes me wonder if I really do want that stranger back. Aside from the benefits to the kids (although there is not much of a better reason than that to me), are there any qualities in H that I still admire? Does he help make me a better person? Right now, the answers are no and no.
I read about all these angry, hateful, spewing MLCers and am thankful for not having that to deal with. But if the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy, which is worse?
Would it be better to have H feel something - anything - for me still rather than NOTHING at all?
H seems to be withdrawing again/more. Hasn't spent the weekend with S5 in the past 5 weeks. S5 spent the night about 4 weeks ago, but H went out. 2 of the weekends, H was away on business. Last weekend was the Mother's Day drama, and this weekend H said he needed to meet with a client. Never asks S5 to spend the night during weekdays anymore. Hasn't in probably about a year now. Doesn't call to talk to him. S5 doesn't ask to call H.
There was a time when I felt it was partially my responsibility to help kids maintain their R with H. Don't feel like it is anymore. Should it be?
H has a whole new wardrobe - new clothes, new shoes, new wallet. Even looking at getting a new car. Hard to say what it means if anything because H's business is doing well. For the past 2 years, H has worn the same clothes. Don't know if it's because he's bored or because he suddenly has the money.
For the MLCer's who have returned, are there many that have returned to families with young children? My H has not cared for S2 (almost 3) since day one. From what I hear, he's really enjoying the freedom single-life gives him - totally obligation-free. I am finding it hard to imagine him ever wanting to come back to family life.
My move is coming up. Besides what I've told him about it, H has not mentioned a word or asked me anything about it. Not that I expected him to.
I think my H has made a comfortable home in his tunnel. Seems unlikely he will ever come out. Although he's slightly nicer and more open and the alien eyes are gone, after almost 2 years of this, there is no major movement from him. I, on the other hand, am going to keep moving, wherever the path may lead.
