He started smothering me and telling me he loved me just to get me to say it back to him (women know what that is what their H's are doing) and it would make me mad. I felt as though he was suffocating me. I couldn't stand it b/c here he had went for years practically ignoring any needs I had....and had never given me what I yearned for emotionally, and now he was doing a complete opposite.....but it was bad timing. It only made me want to escape from him ... Most of my H's "tough love" methods did not work very well, except that one he told me about no second chances if I left. But, it was b/c he tried to "catch me" at doing my little thing over the Internet. He snooped and then told me.....to lay a guilt trip on me, etc. That just did not fly with me. If he had ever, ever "exposed" me.....as some H's believe in doing....I would have left this town and never returned unless there was an emergency in the family b/c I would have be so humiliated and it would have made me despise him for the rest of my life....and I told him so.
So, to try to narrow your question down to your list, I would have to say that number 2 is the best. I do think that there should be added to #2 that in some case, boundaries have to be drawn in order to show respect for the S and children in the home. Some women text their OM or take a cell phone call right in front of their H's. That is going too far in MHO!
Well, don't know that I have helped, but I believe in the DB book as still being the best. You can apply those principles without being a doormat and disrespected, but a lot of people don't understand that part. All they see is that the other S is having their cake and eating it too. That's not what DB is all about.
Sandi, As usual, your words are perfect! I again commend you for bringing your insight as a WAS to this board. We all know not to beg, pursue, plead, etc. after we find out about the A, but to hear from someone who has been there, done that, is priceless.
I don't necessarily agree with exposing the A to anyone and everyone either. What is that going to accomplish? Sure, it could work in your favor, but if your spouse is in a relationship with another person, chances are exposing it isn't going to make it end. It some circumstances, yes. But if someone is involved emotionally with another person, it adds another level to the entire sitch! You just can't turn those emotions off. You can't control them. You're better off fighting for the M in other ways -- like DB.
