((((((GF)))))) It is all about control, think. He can't stand the thought of not being in control, of you, the kids, and everything else he deals with.
I think the only thing that you can do is to make sure that you don't give him control over you. I agree with ACJ, he says he wants nothing from you, give that to him. When he starts to insult you, walk away. Arrange to leave him with the kids now and then, and disappear.
I think your anger is hurting you, but I am not sure I can see anyone putting up with what he is saying and doing without getting angry, so I am not going to to say much about that. Only that when he attacks, I wouldn't even bother to defend, it isn't worth the trouble, and only gets you angrier.
