The stages I’ve gone through aren’t exactly the same since W has participated in OR. You know what I’ve gone through on my old threads. You know that despite the fact that things weren’t as I would have liked, I still had a R.
But W has run out of steam (her words).
It’s not her fault. Adrian is behaving very stupidly. My W just can’t handle an autistic son, a suicidal daughter, her own needs, and me too.
She has pondered the possibility of divorce, but she knows that it isn’t an option. It wouldn’t solve any of our problems. She needs me to do whatever I can around the house, and we simply couldn’t afford separate accommodations.
I need her for the same reasons, so all we can do is to live parallel lives under the same roof. We don’t even have enough room in our house to sleep in separate beds, though I sometimes sleep on the couch.
So the “stages” I’ve gone through were devastation, hopefulness, and dying hope. Just as you have described.
But sometimes the very fact that we don’t have options gives me hope. I don’t believe W wants to continue parallel living. Every living human being wants intimacy. She’s no different. Her only choices are to live without it, or to figure out how to get it with me.
But life gets in the way. Hopeless? For both of us? Sometimes I think so.
My W deserves happiness too, Rachael. She’s had the hardest life of anyone I know.
