Well H is a no show. He didn't even bother to call. I had to call him after he was over an hour late. Just reminds me of how selfish he is. He said that he forgot that he had to "be somewhere" and appologized. There was noise in the background and I was trying to tell where he was, but couldn't make it out.
He is going to come by tomorrow around noon. Hopefully he makes it this time. *sigh* He says he needs to get his contacts stuff and some clothes. I guess he hasn't found an apartment if he isn't wanting bigger items. I am not sure.
The whole not knowing is annoying. It isn't as annoying as when he was staying here, but still it is annoying.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Starshyne: The whole not knowing is annoying. It isn't as annoying as when he was staying here, but still it is annoying
Sara, its Jeff, this was and still is a problem for me, becuase I have an active mind, is she in a ditch somehere or in some OM arm's - The not knowing drives us all crazy. It works both ways, when we are GAL and doing 180 stuff without S, it drives them crazy too.
You have been doing great, It hurts I don't know why we were chosen for this experience, you once asked me if I ever read Hosea, I have several times, its a great story. You might like this site: http://www.biblegateway.com my favorite online bible site you can search the bible for key works, etc.
Let me know how Narnia is, I have the first DVD and I'm interested in the new movie thats out.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important
Goodnight Sara, W out of town, I'm taking D6/D6 to their softball game tonight - so I wont be posting later. M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ??? let me hope !!! W moving out June 1st - 16 days
That was just strange. Not bad...but strange. H came over to get his things. He asked me before he took anything. "Would you mind if I took a few envelopes and paper clips for my paper work?" He appologized for wanting to take the suitcase! He ended up taking some of his clothes, his laptop, some things for him mp3 player, envelopes and paperclips, his alarm clock (asked if he could take that as well) and his bills/paycheck.
He told me that he found a "dingy little apartment" that has a 3 month lease. I said that I thought he was looking for something a little longer than that. He said no, 3 months would be fine. (What does he plan on doing after 3 months, I am not sure). He didn't say where this place was, but that it was near a laundry matt. So at least I now know that he isn't living with some woman, but has a place somewhere.
At some point, I said how I was looking to hire someone to mow the lawn, but the only person I found charged $30. He volunteered to come by and mow the lawn! I said that would be great! I said that I could pay him a little for doing it, and he shook his head and said "No Sara, I would like to do that for you." So now I know that he will be coming over now and then to mow the lawn.
When he was ready to go he asked me if he could hug me. I said that would be fine. He said how hard this is, and he was starting to get chocked up. I was too, but I kept smiling. He then told me I "looked cute." I thanked him and said I was wearing some new clothes. He said "those jeans are nice." He then kissed me on the cheek. Right before he left and was out the door he turned around and said, "please keep in touch, Sara." I told him that I would. He said that he would try to come over this week to mow the lawn, but with his school starting on Monday he wasn't sure when he could do it. I said that if he couldn't do it, that was okay, I could figure something out. He said, no...no....I will come over and do it. I am just not sure right now when.
Overall, I think things went well. It was just so sad. So sad to see the man I love packing up his clothes and leaving the house we picked out and bought together. But...even though it was sad I think he misses me. I really do. I have a good feeling about where this is all heading. I actually saw some of my REAL husband today...and not the jerk I kept seeing before.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
The glimpse of the real husband, the compliments, the keeping a smile going. You really did a great job. You are really making him think...... and miss you.
Don't let the loneliness get you down. We are here for you.
I never responded to you before. I wanted to let you know that I think you did the right thing by kicking your h out. I think it was an act of tough love. He was acting like a spoiled child and was walking all over you. You stood up to him and showed him who the real grown up is/was.
I think he will come back to you. You've had some positives today. Keep thinking positively ok?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Sara, I agree it really sounds like your H is missing you!!! I have a feeling that things will be working out for you--the 3 month lease for example... Karen
Well..things have yet again gone wacky. I just got off the phone with H. I was actually surprised to hear from him. He dind't call my cell phone like usual. He instead called the home phone. After a few minutues of chatting, he gets really quiet and says. "Sara I've been thinking and I have changed my mind about us. I miss you. I want to work things out." Now I have heard this story before, haven't I? So I say, "That is wonderful, but how will this be different than before when you said that and then hurt me again?" He says, "I dont' know. It just will be. I will stay in the garage if you want. I just am tired of all this. I miss you. I keep thinking about you and all the fun we had. All the vacations and and trips and good times we had." He then goes into how he thinks he wants to not go back to school and taking the nursing classes. He says how the only reason he wanted that was to make enough money to live on his own, and if we are working things out then he doesn't need that. I talk him into at least trying the classes because only good can come out of them. He says that he values what I think and will try them at least this week. He says that he is going to end it all this week (what "it all" is I am not sure) and come back home soon. The fact that he didn't pinpoint it makes me weary. I remind him that our 5 year wedding anniversary is this Saturday. Tell him that I too miss doing things with him, but I don't want to get hurt anymore. He understands.
He ends the conversation by telling me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too.
It has only been a little over a week since I made him leave. Although this has been going on for 5 months now. I am just going to keep praying and believing that God is in control and not me.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
If he is serious about this, there's absolutely no reason why he can't "end this" RIGHT NOW. Come home, write his girlfriend a no-contact letter to your satisfaction, let you mail it, and be totally transparent with you.
Anything short of that, you need to acknowledge with "That's interesting. I miss you, too, but you know what you need to do. This is your mess -- you get to clean it up."
Karen