I'm confused. Did he just have oral sex with these other women? Does that somehow make it okay???? What possible intimacy could he have been having with these women that would make it okay???
Look - I can tell he's messed with your head a lot. Let's get a few things straight, shall we?
- whatever he may have felt was lacking in your R, that is NOT an excuse to cheat. It's a reason to go to marriage counseling with your spouse.
- his reluctance to commit to traditional vows when you married was, in retrospect, probably the first clue that he was ambivalent about this whole monogamy thing. Who would suspect that? Don't blame yourself. He entered the marriage under false pretenses. You could get an annulment in the Catholic Church for stuff like this, I believe.
- If you believe he never had sex with these women and oW, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell to you.
- Don't beat yourself up thinking your whole marriage was a sham, either. It wasn't. Whatever part of him was capable of a R with you did so. It's just that he wasn't totally up to the job of being the good man you thought he could be. So now he has to sink to his level, with an adulterous woman. (These guys usually do look back eventually btw, and miss the good man they were when married to you. It's just too much of a strain for them, though.)
- he didn;t do any of this because of some flaw in YOU. He did all of this because of a flaw in HIM.
