The flame is flickering out...

[SirPrizeMe]

You know, RTL, I don't prefer that situation, but that's the course that's laid out in front of me. I've been reading the Charlyne Cares website (I got it from steelersfan), and the testimonials there. I am not sure all those testimonials are true, or even applicable. Some of them are about how the Lord answered the petitioners prayer for a new furnace since the old one went belly up. Anyway, the thing that stuck out to me was that these things take time.

For now this is the situation we're dealing with. I have to say when the court said I could not see my kids, nor call them nor email them, I was very upset. Very much. The court set a date for a hearing three months later; I wasn't sure I could make it. Here it is 3 months later, the hearing is next week. Somehow I made it. It was lonely but I survived.

And now I am making a life on my own. I am not sure what will happen, but it's possible that the wife will see this and think, hey maybe he's ok after all. It's possible that I will get equitable time with the kids after next week and this will shake something loose, too. It's possible that the sale of the family house and the need for her to get her own place (her own lease, her own money paying for it) will cause a change of heart.

or not.

I guess the point is, I'm moving forward the best way I know how, and trying to keep my heart pure. And if she has a change of heart, I will be ready for her.

Today I rode my bike past an elementary school, all the kids were out playing on the grounds. right now I'm not permitted to go near my own kids' schools. I look forward to the time when I can be a soccer coach again, when I can start living more of a "normal" life.

And RTL, I hope the same for you. You know I was thinking about your situation, and with just one young daughter, your prospects for meeting someone else are much better than mine (with 4 kids). I know that is not your first choice and I am not suggesting you go out and pursue that. But it seems much easier, to me, for a woman to meet and make friends with and feel at ease with one 5 year old, as opposed to doing the same with a houseful of four energetic souls.

It will work itself out somehow. just keep doing the next right thing.