Torn between hope and anger

[lise]

What do you do when you start looking back on your marriage and wondering if it ever really was what you thought it was? I mean, I found out my H had cheated on me with several of my friends over our 21 year marriage but said he never planned on leaving me for anyone until this last woman entered his life. I had had suspicions and I think that is what added to our issues about sexual intimacy between us over the years.

I can't use MLC as an excuse for all the infidelity and selfish behavior/poor judgement. I wonder if I even would want him back now that I know who he really was for most of our time together. We had great times too of course, but I feel like I was pretending he was someone he wasn't.