That's my point. She THOUGHT her needs weren't being met. I was trying.
My needs are PURPOSELY not being met.
I do love my wife with everything I have. The R is in the right direction, taking baby steps. But until I hear,"I am no longer seeing OM and I want to work this out", I don't know where we are. How long do I stand? Been standing for a while.
Maybe I'm just venting.
I have put so much energy into my sitch. I am tired.
Tired and Lost?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
lol.. your right.. that's where ive been, lots of ups and downs... it stinks!
I know you love your wife, but like I just told the other "hope" you have to decide on your own what limits you are going to impose. How long you will wait.. some have waited more than a year... maybe that is too long for you.
Don't decide now, and vent all you want that is what we are here for...
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Been reading your posts. My mind set is very similar about OM. I have some new info, not sure what to do with it. Like you, as long as OM is in the picture, there is no chance for R, at least that is what we have been told. I have been trying to figure out a way for OM to get out of the picture...
I would love for somebody to pay attention to me. I jokingly told a colleague (I have had a really good job offer) that after the job offer came in said "well, at least somebody wants me" - so sad!
What is hard for others that don't have an A mixed into the WAW is the constant thinking about A and what happened, why and when - all these things take up room in our brain and we have little time to really process it. Those that do have detached, you and I are slowly getting there, but seem to have a ways to go. Groan.
Keep it up. Watched your Spurs last night, great game - one more to go. Hope my Lakers clich it tonight to get some rest for your boys.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
I guess that is what I am thinking as well - I want to know who he is - just to have it. I too am better than that, but for some reason, the need to know is driving me. Once I have a name, then I can get to work on the other stuff. Who know, probably just a cheeseless tunnel, right?
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Like you, as long as OM is in the picture, there is no chance for R, at least that is what we have been told. I have been trying to figure out a way for OM to get out of the picture...
I guess I can't agree 100% with this right now. It seems that my R is being restored even though OM is still in the picture, as far as I know.
But R and M are not the same thing. Restoring the R may or may not lead to restoration of the M, but I do feel better. She has told me in the past that she didn't want to give me the wrong idea. To me, she does.
When R is not being discussed, then we have a loving, caring relationship. She just aint "there". That is not where you are. You have work to do. Alot. You are still in the "thrashing in the water" stage. I have been there. Took a long time to get where I am. And that was just recently, I feel. I had to make a conscious decision to keep trying, even with OM in picture. Not letting him get to me.
I have had my backslides as you know, but for the most part, I feel at peace. I do want my marriage to work. I want my wife. I want us to be happy again.
In my detaching, little as it is, I feel like Hope4us. Feeling like if I don't start hearing positive things, I may be the WAS.
Puppies question about whether I can love this woman that she is now, has got me doing my own "stinkin thinkin".
Still feeling good, though. For such a good past week, not sure why I am thinking about this stuff so much. I guess it is the stuff concerning "B" and now "Y". Like if I love my wife so much, why am I thinking about these other women.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 05/16/0807:25 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
h4h, is good to have some attention, enjoy it. Really. I talked a lot with a friend of mine who had a very weird sitch. Him ad W had 3 kids, 7, 3 and 9 months old! Married 10 yrs, W in her forties, a doctor, got involved with a patient, a twenty something years old boy. She kicked H out (house was hers), and got the youngster in. He has been desperate for a while, tried everything to reconnect with no use - then he gave up and got involved with a woman he was dating back in high school. When W learned about his new R she got mad, she pleaded him to go back with her and she even threatened the new woman, she followed them, she got obsessed. He didn't go back and he is happy about it - but boy aren't some people weird?
Puppies question about whether I can love this woman that she is now, has got me doing my own "stinkin thinkin".
Hunh??? I don't remember what I posted, but I would never advise someone to base their long-term marital decision on how they FEEL toward their spouse while that spouse is in their wayward state. What I DO advocate -- and may have said to you -- is doing an honest self-assessment of "Am I really in love with who she is [b](and I mean PRE-AFFAIR!)[/b], or am I in love with my IMAGE of who I WANT HER TO BE???"
