Confused no longer - Give me the strength

[Sugar and Spice]

Go to the game, have fun and don't worry about how you look, just have fun!. Are there any neighborhood boys that want to make a quick $20.00? Maybe you could get someone to cut your lawn for you...if not does your H not know how to operate the lawnmower? I'm frustrated for you about him making comments about the state of your house...mine does it too and sometimes it takes everything I can not to just tell him to mind his own damn business. Not a very helpful thing, so I wouldn't suggest it, I'm just REALLY Grumpy today. Sorry.

Have a great day and enjoy your game!!!! GO SNOW!

[Snow White]

I'm back from my game, I had fun, everyone was really nice. I think it will be a good summer.

[girlfromipanema]

Hooray! It's going to be a great summer for you!

[Starshyne]

Glad to hear that you had a good time at the game! Sounds like a great activity for you this summer.

[Snow White]

These are quotes from the wellness lady at work that I identified with this past week.

Letting Go
Letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. ~ Unknown


Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. ~ Sylvia Robinson

Forgiveness

A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. ~ Rambler

When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Responsibility

Look at the word RESPONSIBILITY -response-ability-the ability to choose your response.

Highly proactive people recognize that RESPONSIBILITY. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.~ Stephen R. Covey

[Sugar and Spice]

Letting Go
Letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. ~ Unknown


Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. ~ Sylvia Robinson

Forgiveness

A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. ~ Rambler

When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Responsibility

Look at the word RESPONSIBILITY -response-ability-the ability to choose your response.

Highly proactive people recognize that RESPONSIBILITY. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.~ Stephen R. Covey

I'm going to print these and hang them on my mirror at home and my desk at work.

Glad you had a good time at your game, you deserve some fun.

[Snow White]

I have a question, I actually think it is probably a pretty stupid one, but my concern is that I am instinctually wrong for what I would do in this situation and I want to confirm that doing the opposite of what I want to do is the right choice


Ok, my H the one who moved out almost 5 weeks ago to clear his head for a week is very concerned with what it is I am doing. He doesn't have much of an imagination so he keys in on certain people that I have mentioned at one time or another. I joined a baseball team and last week played catch with a co-worker who is on the team and last night was my first game.

My H has been on this ever since day one, constantly questioning about this coworker(to be honest he is the only one here my age, however, I am not attracted to him physically or personally and would have preferred to be on a different team altogether). When he happens to see me before or after work it is did you wear that for him, ect. Last night I left my phone in the car(as I intend to do every game) and there were 4 texts when I got back about whether or not I was flirting with him and then saying he knew I was lying and had feelings for this guy. So anyways when I did speak to H I simply stated that he is just a guy I work with, nothing else (sound familiar? except its true) I don't talk to him outside of work ect.

So anyways it was this guys day off today, out of the blue he called me 3 times from his cell. I only answered the last one was busy the other 2. Just to say have a nice weekend, hope I had fun at the game, see me Tuesday ect.

So if I had never been through what I have and read as much, and listened to all of you my first instinct would be to mention this to my H out of honesty. I believe that you will all tell me not to, not his business. I also know if I do tell him it will just promote more ridiculous jealousy, but do I want that?

The simple fact of the matter is that this guy does nothing for me and I am not looking for anyone. However, when I met my H it was playing summer ball, I had a boyfriend of 3 years who had broken up with me prior (for another girl) and we had gotten back together but he didn't treat me well. I met H and thought he was the cat's meow. I did not cheat on my boyfriend but I did leave him for H. While I do not want H to believe I would pick up and leave him(as he did me) I think he should be aware that those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

SW,

I think your situation is very different from whatdidIdo's. If, if, IF you are in a committed relationship with your spouse, and neither is currently wayward and you're in the "no-contact/transparency" period, then yes, absolutely -- HARD-CORE HONESTY and I think you would have to tell him about the calls.

Your case is certainly different, and this is what I would recommend:

1) DON'T tell your husband -- he'll only use it for some false sense of moral equivalency, and the fact is that you've done nothing inappropriate anyway.

2) In fact, the next time your husband starts giving you the third degree about your comings and goings (and I believe I may have suggested this to you already?), do NOT engage him on the subject. Simply say "You have no right to expect to get my itinerary from me right now. You left me. If you need to know something about the kids, I'm happy to oblige. Now please don't interrogate me in this manner again, because it's incredibly insulting and I won't tolerate it. Besides, it's paranoid, and -- frankly -- not very attractive." (ooh, us men HATE to get that one!!!)

3) DO tell the OM, "please don't call or text me. I know you're just being nice, and it's all innocent, but I'm trying to work thru a difficult situation with my husband right now, and I just don't need for him to have anything on me that might give ANY appearance of impropriety. It's best for us to keep our communication at work only, and ABOUT work only, and I hope you can respect that."

Short version: let your husband twist in the wind a little, but DO let your friend know that he can't contact you outside of work.

Puppy

[Snow White]

Short version: let your husband twist in the wind a little, but DO let your friend know that he can't contact you outside of work.
Puppy

Thanks Puppy, that is the advice I thought I would get so I am glad I asked, cause as I said it is the exact opposite of what I naturally would do.

I actually had to say something to another co-worker as well, this one I actually have not even seen but have emailed. He was a friend of mine when I worked in a differnet office before I moved ot the one I am in now, we had periodically emailed back and forth. At the time I worked there I was 23(and dating my H) he was in his 30's divorced, he had a major crush on me, but I always just thought of him as a friend. He has since remarried and has 2 kids, and is quite happy.

About a month ago (actually about 2 days before H moved out) a mutual friend from that office sent me a random email that cracked me up - I had not talked to her in years and it was just a few inside jokes that she had thought of that reminded her of me. So I in turn thought of him and another girlfriend from the office and send them each an email. This resulted in breif explanations of where my life was at(as really I had almost been in hiding).

Anyways what was an email every month or two to check in all of a sudden turned into 20 or more a day from this man, at first it was ok because as you can see I love to talk but then I started feeling almost uncomfortable. He said nothing inappropriate, other than very firmly believing I should get a divorce, but it kind of made me feel odd that every morning the first thing he did when he got to work was email me. And then immediately back with any response as if he was just sitting there waiting. This is how my H's EA started, concern for his coworker.

So I didn't say don't contact me because really he is just being a friend but instead I asked him if he had told his wife about my situation. He said yes that a friend at work was having trouble and that he would email me. I said ok, I'm really glad, I think maybe I am overly sensitive, because even before anything ever happened with H if I had seen that he was sending 20 or 30 emails a day to any woman I would have been concerned(I didn't even mention, one that you told half the world you were in love with at one point). Since then he has not emailed me back. He said oh she is not overly jealous - but he has not emailed again, and I am good with that.

Last night my SIL called and invited D for a sleepover, I then had time to cut the grass and went to a movie - What happens in Vegas. Is it me or can I get DB principles from every hollywood love story there is?

First time I ever went to a movie alone, it wasn't so bad. Only thing is a picked that one because I got there at 9:30 and I thought it started in 10 min but it didn't start until 10:05 so it is a long wait sitting there by yourself, particularly when you are ignoring the texts that are coming in(which I successfully did).

Responded to H's texts on the way home in the car just to let him know I was ok and home. The last text he had sent came in right before the movie was over(I wasn't looking just saw the time later) must be having a good time, can't even respond to your HUSBAND. Hmmm, is that what he calls himself? Haven't heard that in a long time.


I must have been sleeping sound this morning because he came in my room and I guess had already been here showered ect, usually I can tell if someone pulls in the driveway never mind actually comes in the house. Seems every time I go out I get fresh coffee in the morning(gotta make sure no one else is here) that is a bonus, I love my Timmie's coffee.

H told me last night that he was on vacation from June 8 - 14. and asked if that is when the golf vacations were. I don't even know what to think of that question. (I had quite a while back sent an email to myself from myself(because I know H snoops) and then deleted it and left it in the sent that said "Hey H we should do this, we really need to get away and spend some time alone" attached to the specials that I had gotten from a golf course in MI) He of course "found it" in my sent.

[Snow White]

Sitting at home, Saturday of the long weekend, typing on the computer. Wow the life of my dreams :-)

This is all very confusing. I started thinking back over the days and realized that H has been here every single morning since Tuesday - the day he watched D. He will show up before work just to say hi, bring a coffee, and be here between 5 and 10 minutes. As cheap as coffee is H's budget is very tight(since I still am getting his pay) and he is spending this extra each day for no particular reason.

He came tonight after he got off work and stayed for dinner. He said he will be over again tomorrow morning(the only day we all spend as a family). He asked again about the golf packages and if I wanted to go on his vacation in June. Then he said maybe we can ask his parents if they want to go with us. If they can't maybe J&L or P&J. This is very odd since H has out right avoided everyone particularly our couple friends which are the last 2 sets.

He is noticing the difference in the house too, doesn't say much but I can tell. He said do you do this cleaning from your book? I said did you think that book was dumb? He claimed not to have looked at it....H how did you know I had a book then?

Then as he was leaving tonight he said, "Do you think you might want to play catch tomorrow?" "Yes, that would be nice"

It is killing me not to ask any q's, but I guess those are the rules.