Jeff- DOn't stop telling me how your relationship parallels mine, etc. It helps me to see the "other side".
Yes, it is going to take time. It is going to take such a longggg time. It is really hitting me. It's not like I can "make my decision to stay in my marriage" and everything is hunky dorey. Not at all. I know it is the "right" choice, I just hope I don't commit to this and work my butt off at something that will never make us happy. I am 37 now. I wanted another child. If this doesn't work out, I'm pretty much going to lose out on that chance. I'm getting older every day. I love my husband, but something is missing. I need to really work at that....how to fix that....God, I hope I can fix that. I don't want to stay in this marriage just for my son.
I have to make a conscious effort to make plans so that we have some chances at new memories. Like Kat said, I need to plan something. I need something to look forward to. As I'm getting ready today and doing my hair and makeup I think how the OM would have been so happy to see me, and my H didn't want me to ruin his routine. It makes me think I'm making a big mistake.
Yes, it is a down rollercoaster day bigtime. It's like I know I shoudl get my mind off of it and just be happy with my son, but then I think maybe I shouldn't avoid the tough questions that are going through my mind about my M.
Sara- I'll have to look at getting that book. I keep reading all of the R books and it is just depressing me. My son just had a friend over so I should do some work. But, I my mind is just unable to focus. I feel like just crying and laying in bed.
