I'm really having a hard day. I suggested that I come to have dinner with H today. He works late. He said that he already made his dinner, etc. I said that didn't matter, etc. Then, he said to come. After more talking, he admitted he really didn't want us to come...breaking his routine, etc. He doesn't get happy thinking about seeing me. I'm just in a really depressed mood. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yeah, probably. Do I have a right to? No, probably not. But, that's how i'm feeling. Yeah, yeah...garbage self talk. I should be more positive. I should be more understanding about the way he is and understand that just because he didn't want to see us today doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I should understand that just because I feel fake most of my time with him, that actions will breed feelings. Sorry I'm not so inspiring today.
