For the guy with kids and WW II

[hopeful4her]

Hey guys.

I went home like a good boy.

I called the B-day girl and left her a VM. Sorry I couldn’t make the shindig, but Happy B-day and that I would make it up to her.

After work, I ran an errand. Afterwards, I sat in my car for a bit thinking of picking up some take home pizza, but also waiting to see if WW would call me after work like she has been doing.

I’m crazy. I know this.

Wifer called at about her normal time and asked if I had forgotten anything when I went to the store, because she was going to go back and get some puppy food. I mention a few things and ask if I should get pizza. She said no, we have food at home. I ask her to get me some beer and she says ok. She’s says she wants to get out of the office.

At home, she gets home at the time that I had in my mind that she should get home. I mean on the dot. I start to cook and everyone gets a plate and scatters. I go to my room to watch the game and wife stays in kitchen. Not much talking. Much more quiet than in the past few days. Doing my own thing. She’s doing hers.

After a great win(GO SPURS), I find WW asleep on couch. I wake her up and we go to bed. I ask how her day ways and tell her she sounded like her day was rough. She says not really.

Before we wake up, I get a text from a coworker about him opening the branch. This guy always sends me texts. He is one of those people that just loves to text. Every time I get a text, I can see the look on the wife face. Probably the same face I have when I hear her getting a text. My first thought is OM is texting her. He never does, though. At least not while she is home. She probably thinks some girl is texting me. I end telling WW that my co-worker is like a girl, he sends so many texts. WW is kind of quiet.

Morning routine. Did not ask to make lunch. I am upbeat and cool. Kids leave.
In bathroom, WW is straightening hair, and I’m shaving. WW asks me if she missed any spots. I am playing with her hair and point out a few spots. Here. Over here. Now here. I am thinking of giving a compliment on her hair color, but decide against.

Later, I am in kitchen and WW is ironing her clothes. She asks me if she has any holes in the back of her legs. I was confused by the question and walk to her and ask her to repeat the question. She asks if she is bleeding because of the puppies attacking her. I am examining her legs. Touching. Rubbing the scratches.

Backslide time.

Nearly time to leave, I am putting away things in the kitchen. I couldn’t help myself to ask WW is she wanted anything for lunch. As soon as I said it, I thought, “Your so stupid!”. WW says that she is starting a diet at work. Some of the girls are going to see who can lose the most weight. I tell her that I can make her a healthy lunch if she wants. WHAT THE F AM I SAYING?! She thinks a bit and says ok. I make her lunch. A damn good one, too. She makes our coffee’s to go. We are talking about work. Mutual clients that we have.

We leave together. Have a great day. I tell her that I might call her later to get some more info on a particular mutual client.

I am in a great mood.

Thoughts.

Recently, I find myself flirting a lot more. I have another coworker that is not at my location. I talk to her quite a bit. She is at my office a couple times a week. Beautiful. Young Single mom. I have met her 8 year old daughter. Beautiful, too. A really cool person to just be around. The kind of woman that I would give myself a ZERO chance of anything happening. Although, I thought I had ZERO chance with WW when we started to date. I think about this girl a lot. Had lunch with her a couple of days ago. She called me to chit chat a bit, yesterday. She knows my sitch, and asks me how things are going. I am very attracted to her.

For the people who have been WAS’s. It is a totally different sitch. Ya’ll may have felt the need to be stroked or feel loved and appreciated. The difference is that that is what was FELT. Us LBS’s have LITTERALLY been rejected. Pushed away. Intimacy purposely withheld. IT FEELS TERRIBLE.

I find myself looking more. I feel like I want to be the WAS. I am feeling two things at the same time. Conflicted.

I am not a young chicken. I am getting older. If things don’t go the way I plan in my M, I am gonna be a man with a lot of baggage. I almost see opportunities NOW. Possibilities, at least. I am not a terribly handsome man. I have self esteem issues like the next person. Am I alone on this? Are these thoughts normal? I feel myself looking. Maybe I’m thinking too much. Am I just saying things that LBS's feel?

Does this mean I have detached? I keep hearing that I'm not detached enough, but would I be having these thoughts?

I need encouragement. And, I’m still in a great mood amongst all of it all.