Hey you-- I've seen you reaching out and posting to others lately. It's sooo nice to see the growth in you.
I'm sorry my "story" made you cry :`( (((Maryangela)))))
It wasn't the db-ing story though sweetie, it was the before and after.
It was also directed to someone looking for answers that I looked for myself. There were times, in the "db story", the middle one, when I seriously had to consider that when I "dropped the rope" he would either sail off into the sunset and take the easy way out or hang himself with it-- taking the easy way out. I neither respected nor was "in love" with the man I saw him become in the latest years of our marriage.
That's the tough line between detaching lovingly and detaching--um--*un-lovingly*.
That wasn't meant to get people in your stage to beat themselves up, MA.
While "DB-ing", I saw parts of the whole in stages, you know?
At the point I truly saw myself I knew I had to work on myself for ME, my kids, and my future. I really didn't believe he had it in him to step up and do what it'd take for us to make it.
It just was a start, when I was trying to save a marriage I wasn't sure I wanted because I knew I had to try my best. This website convinced me it was the "right" and "just" thing to do.
The "best" I could do was change for the better and that's all anyone can do. This happens to all of us at some point in life. For me it was later. You young'uns learning all this now make me envious.
Throughout many relationships (outside these type of sites) people work these conflicts out in healthy ways. Or ignore them indefinitely. Or just divorce and rinse and repeat with their next relationships.
This site shows mostly those that didn't work it out in a very conventional manner. We're the good ones though MA, at least we care. Lots of people don't.
Too little too late? Maybe. Maybe for the marriage, but not for us.
Changing just to get him back? You betcha. It's the least I could do. At first. Then you change because it's right for you. The changes in behavior turn into part of your heart. Who you are.
I see a huge difference in your level of self awareness and giving since you've started posting. Seriously.
