in limbo and an emotional mess...

[MAZ]

After asking H for weeks what was bothering him and knowing it was something (even though he would tell me "nothing" was wrong) H came home a few days after Valentines day back in Feb. and told me what was bothering him. He told me he was in love with OW, BUT still loves me. After the initial anger and pain at that moment thought of my two boys 15 and 12 who were i'm sure listening at the top of the stairs. He then proceeded to call the OW and tell her he just told me about them, this supposedly angered her and H became an emotional mess as she now told him she wanted nothing to do with him. For some reason this prompted me to be the one who was there to comfort him and hold him while he cried to me "about the OW" and all the plans they made. H moved out of our home about 2 weeks later saying he needed time to "think and figure things out" and until he talked to her to find out what happened he didn't know what he was going to do. The month that followed was probably the best that we have had in ages, he was talking to me, although not living at home would stop by and see me and the boys almost daily, and/or call, sending and replying to emails, and sending apologetic txt msgs. almost daily, we probably grew closer in that short month than we had been in a long time. We were to have spent my 40th birthday together, going to lunch alone together while the kids were in school and talking, however the OW chose the day before my b/day to resume talking to H. Needless to say I was stood up on my b/day thanks to the OW. She is now back in his life on a daily basis, yet he still tells me he loves me,,, he doesn't know what is going to happen, and he needs to see "where it goes with her". I feel like I am being a fool,,because I do still love him and want to make things work. We have been married for what will be 18 years on 6/2 and I don't want to give up without doing what I have to and fighting to make him see what he is doing to our boys and our marriage, but no matter what I do I feel like I am playing second to the OW. There are so many details that can follow, my head is reeling. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, or concentrate on anything, taking more than 7 vacation days from work in the last month and 1/2, losing 25 lbs. in this short time, while i do what I have to for our two boys on a daily basis, everyday I break down at some point, I don't know where to go from here...