I was explaining my thoughts so that others can understand where I am coming from and where my H is coming from.
As for keeping the garbage around. I may have incinuated that H and I are discussing this back and forth and playing the blame game, but that is not so. We are only doing things for the future, and having talks about the future. I just brought those things up in hopes that others having my whole story would help with advice giving.
We are married 12 years. We have nice memories. We both agree that we can't think of a time we were both laughing and bursting with happiness. Even at the very beginning. The nicest thing he and I did together? Hmmmmm.....every good thing has a bad thing associated with it. The wedding- he was focused on his mom the whole time, the honeymoon- on our 7 day cruise we had sex 1 time, camping trip- went through the motions no romance, I could go on and on.... I cannot think of a time where we were truly happy together...I mean TRULY happy. I can think of LOTS of times we were content and comfortable, kind of like a close friend. He agrees with this. Maybe there is something blocking it, but then it is blocking him, too...because we both can't come up with anything.
I know my thoughts are counterproductive and you are going to tell me to knock it off, but this worries me. I can say that I am going to think all happy happy thoughts and everything is grand and wonderful and woo hoooooo but it just is not true. We have a lonnnnnng way to go. Most couples have SOMETHING To look back to. We don't. It's hard to believe, but it is true. We didn't have the "in love stage". It was almost like an arranged marriage.
