so guys, I'm on day 3 of Real DB'ing. no snotty remarks, no threats, no crying, no calling and no emailing. it's actually been a pretty drama fee week (with regards to h).
and now I'm really feeling it. almost 3 months since I don't love you bomb, 2 months since I found out about affair and 1 month since he's been out of the house. I know he is with OW during the week (he doesn't technically live with her, I know where he is living, I've been there, he's renting a room from a retired professor).
I miss him so much. Even after all the gross things he has done and shown me these past months, I miss him. I'm on zoloft, going to therapy, etc. these things help, but who am I kidding? I just want him to come home. I know this will change over time, but it's so hard when there is a child involved. in the past, a break-up (I was previously married also, no kids) was horrible, but now it seems so much harder because I still have to have contact with him because of d5. just seeing him adds more salt to the wound.
I had a long conversation with an old friend of my mom and dad's. her h of 30 years left her for a much younger woman and it was horrible -- 4 kids, whole nine yards. This was years and years ago. We talked for a long time. Of course she said I will get through it. She actually became this really successful executive after (went back to school) and made a great life for herself. she's an inspiration.
Anyway, I'm looking at db'ing like going to AA (I'm not an alcoholic), but I like the "counting days" thing they do. So I'm on "DAY 3" of DB'ing. there is really nothing else I can do at this point. I've tried everything else even when I knew better (I would even say in my head, I'll beg him just this one last time and DB tomorrow, I swear to god!!).
Anyway, had to journal a bit. I love everyone here and I don't know what I would do without this board.
