Our own mental inharmony

[Smurf_SMR]

Received this eMail and thought it was putting here

"The circumstances which a person encounters with suffering are the result of his own mental inharmony. The circumstances which a person encounters with blessedness are the result of his own mental harmony."

It's amazing that when we are in dire straits the first place we look is always the last place we should look. And the last place we look is always the first place we should try.

Stop and think about it. If you're like me, don't you always look for the cause and the solution outside of yourself? When you start making changes to try and cure the problem, don't you always try to change the things outside of yourself?

The problem is our "own mental inharmony." The problem is inside, not outside. And that's the first place we always need to look.

Try this exercise: Identify one type of habitual thinking that you have.

For instance, do you habitually think you won't have enough money to go around...or....are you always thinking that you never have enough time to get all the things done you need to do.

After you've identified the thinking pattern, take a 3x5 card and write out the OPPOSITE of your habitual thinking. For instance, "I am surrounded by abundance. I always have enough money and enough of everything I need."

Put the card in your purse or pocket. For the next week, be alert to every time you fall into the old, habitual thinking. Take out the card and read it --- and, if possible, read it aloud with MEANING. Do it for a week and I promise you'll be happy with the results.

William James, the great psychologist of the early 20th Century knew the solution is always to go inside: "There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man's lack of faith in his true self."

And that's worth thinking about.

On this board, we are constantly told to not give our spouses actions and the OP, mind space. We don't need our spouses, we desire them in our lives, but we do not need them.

[brandnewday]

Oh Simes,
Once again you bring wonderful words of wisdom, thank you!!

But remember how long it took for us to learn this.

It took me years to get to that place because it was so hard to believe that I could really be happy and have a life without him in it.

And the strangest part was that once I actually got to that place, he wanted to come home.

[Jeanette1120]

Hmmm........Yes it sounds good enough on paper.

But who are we trying to convince?

We all know we do not NEED anyone to complete us. But we want someone. We expecially want those we cannot have at the moment.

Simon.....you want to know what I think? I think you are not happy at all! Which I don't blame you. But I don't think you have detached as much as you like to sound or seem. Your still searching for answers that are unanswerable. What are you doing for YOU? Besides ignoring me.....What is SIMON doing to complete his life???

[Jeanette1120]

^^

From long ago.

[Smurf_SMR]

Wow jeanette, how did you rake that one up!

and your comments at the time, were probably so true, 4th June 2007.....

4 days after my house was sold, (what she wanted),

4 days after we signed it away, and she drove off with my son, without looking back.

Without a goodbye for the last 30 years, without a word since,

4 days out of my Atic prison, giving her the space she craved, thinking one day it would turn around.

Yes, I would like answers, but I know I will not get them.

She will be the ultimate looser!

But now....nearly a year on!!!

You heard me on the phone, you were amazed at how good I sounded!
I feel it! I am alive!

And as every week / year that passes, I feel like my old self.

You never know, next year when I read this, I will be amased again.

Thanks Jeanette

[brandnewday]

Wow!!!

A blast from the past.

In all honesty, it makes me sick to see how much of my life and my time was squandered on worrying about my crazy MLC'er and his BS antics.

Counting every single baby step and and trying to analyze every single thing he said or did.

Going without sleep and stressing myself out to the point of having to be on meds just to cope.

Thinking I "needed" him to exist.

Finding excuses to talk to him.....ahhh I am so ashamed!

I much prefer the person I am today, the person I had to become because of MLCBS.

Yes, I am happy my Husband returned home, we have made it to a year and things are pretty much normal now.

And as much as I love him, I don't always like him.
He did not make all of the changes I had to make.

In the few years of MLC I grew, and he remained stagnant.
Some of the things are character flaws, things he always had, nothing at all to do with MLC.

We forget so many things because we only seem to remember the "good" stuff and we see things through rose colored glasses.

We so desperately want our Spouses back, and want our Marriages restored that we almost set ourselves up for a huge dissapointment when they return.

There won't be a "Hollywood" apology, at least not in the begining.

Forgiveness is haaaard!!!!

It is a true test of patience and endurance to get though MLC.

[Cinderellaman]

BND,

How honest and true your post sounds....As always I am in great admiration of how you got through this all ! xxx