Holding Pattern

[sandi2]

Hi, I'm Sandi and I was almost a WAW. So, I hope that I can say something that might help in some small way.......or better yet, a big way!

It amazes me that you two have made it together since 15 years old! Did you or she ever date anyone else? The reason I ask is that I have known a couple that did that. That never dated anyone but each other....got married very young....had two children....went through a lot of hardships, but stayed close...and then suddenly they divorced.

Since I'm older than you allow me to try to use my years of observation about other people. I have seen cases where the younger the couples are when they marry....and especially if they were dating only each other for a long time before they married.....then they would have trouble down the road. The main reason for this is b/c they were just so young when they M and that is okay for a few years, but then they start to grow up and they realize they are growing differently.....changing from the way they were as teenagers. They start to realize that they missed a lot while they were teens and kind of resent that they M so young. The become dissatisfied in their MR and start looking for OP. Before you know it, an A has happened.

I'm not saying that this is what happened in your stitch, I'm just saying that it has happened a lot with couples that marry so young. Did your W go to college after high school or did she stay home while you went? I take it that there is no children since you did not mention any.

This probably doesn't help your feelings, but the truth is that when young people get married, they will go through so many changes down life's road and it is hard learning to grow and grow together and not grow apart. The longer you live with that person, there will be changes taking place. Even if you weren't all that young when you M, it would happen. I just think she probably realizes that she missed out on the "fun single life" that seems to be glamorized in society today.

I noticed you have mentioned God several times. You first admitted you went to Church even though it wasn't a special occasion. Yes, it was. You were in trouble and needed His help. You though He would come through with a solution ASAP b/c He was impressed when you showed up in His house and it wasn't even a holiday!

I can't carry her the entire way but I can't leave her on the side of the road either, so I stop and wait for God to show me a sign and all he does is throw rocks and me.

So, now you are blaming God b/c He hasn't done what you wanted Him to do, which was jump when you said frog.

However, in your last post you said this:

God only gives us as much as we can handle, so I must be pretty strong because he keeps laying it on. I am ready to follow his path and the only thing I can do is put on foot in front of the other and press on, I just pray that some of this hurt subsides and I can come through this at least with my friendship in tact even if she does not love me.

Don't blame God for what your W has done, sweetie. This may be a time of testing for you......it would be for anyone whether they were a Christian or not.......but if you are a Believer, it certainly is the time to get your life on the right path with God and leave things up to Him to work out for you and your W. I would advise you not to put the blame of things going wrong on Him b/c we are usually in our stitch due to our own decisions and God didn't have anything to do with those decisions at that time. However, if you will let Him, he can have something to do with your decisions now. I would suggest that you talk to your Pastor or Church Counselor to get spiritual guidance in this. I don't want you to be bitter against God. We humans often wait until we are in trouble before we turn to Him and then expect Him to come through with a miracle, but He doesn't follow our orders.......we have to follow His.

Now, to change the subject......about the money.....I would get a lawyer's advice or somebody that knows what to do about all of that. I for one am not in favor of the H supporting a WAW to have an A with his financial support. If she was using the money to go to law school, etc. and trying to do her share of work, like she is suppose to.....then if you help with that, it seems only right. But if she is calling herself S from you and she is seeing OM......I would not support her. That is just MHO.

Have you received the DB book yet? When you do, read it over and over b/c it is the best technique you will find. It does not always save a M, but it will come closer than anything else you will find. It is your toolbox.....not hers. You can't control her or fix her. You can't make her read books, watch videos, or go to M counseling. You can only work on yourself and improve every thing about yourself. Take a good long look in the mirror to see what is looking back at you. Then take a good long look at the inside of yourself. What have you become?

Okay, enough for now. I will check back. Keep posting. You can go to other people's threads and reply and the more you post the more responses you will get.

Take care,

Sandi