Ok, here is my first moment to post today. I wish I knew how to do that thing where you show what people said in a box and then comment on it. COuld someone tell me please? This time I will have to do it the old fashioned way.

GoingForward- Yes, I have read the 5 Love Languages and so has H. But, maybe we should revisit it. Right now, we have about 4 books to go through. \:\) Thanks for the reminder about my H's feelings and how they will go up and down and that it is normal. I will need to be reminded that because this is tough.

Yoyo- You asked what made me decide to go back to H. Here it is:
My H finally did something to work on us. He finally went to a counselor on his own. He began to do things that he never did: hugged me even though I cringed and didn't hug back, told me when I looked nice, rubbed my foot when we were talking, looked happy, made plans to work with a trainer on his own, etc. He started showing me affection. I got to thinking that he was starting to give me no reason to leave him and I knew that I would not be able to "feel" the love he was showing with the OM still in the picture. The OM was pushing for us to move to the next step and I knew I couldn't do it. The OM and I were having fights all the time over the fact I couldn't reassure him about the future. I started realizing that I didn't want to leave my H. I thought about my son and how I would rather die than have him part time. I had so much guilt about sinning, too. I was getting headaches all the time, and crying at night. I was tired of the limbo and wanted to finally do something. Since OM was pushing and fighting with me, and H was doing these "new things", and my son was on my mind, I decided to work on it with H. It wasn't the OM that I wanted to be happy with, it was my husband. BUt, is that possible? I told myself to be prepared to tell H if he ever asks about me and whether I've had an A. He asked something and I had to tell him. The minute I told him the OM had less meaning to me immediately. I told him to come home right now. He came. It was after 11 PM. We stayed up and talked and cried. I felt so awful about what I did. The very next day, I saw my priest and confessed my sins to God with him. I talked to him and prayed. Once you tell GOd and promise to repent, it is impossible to do it again, at least for me anyway. As much as I have thought about things, I know I won't ever have an affair again. I realize that is not the solution. I need to try everything to make this marriage happy. If, in the end, I am not happy, then I will divorce. But, I won't have an affair and then divorce. My mindset is that my H and I will be married forever, but we have a lot of work to do. I am putting a lot of hope in the retrouvaille that we are going to in July. I am trusting what people say about the OM feelings fading. I am reading books all the time to learn about my feelings and why I felt the way I did with the OM, etc.

Looking at your 3 choices of what author's say......the first one, the guilt trip....would never have worked during the first OM, because I felt like it was H's fault that I did what I did. By the end, I was feeling guilty on my own....I had to feel it on my own. I probably would have been mad if my H had tried to do it. HE was the problem, not me....is what I thought at the time.

The second one, the GAL method, is pretty much what my H did. I know I hated the "victim look". It pissed me off. I was much more interested in H when he was doing fun things and "happy". In fact, any time he did something with out me I got worried and jealous. Had he done that more, it may have stopped me sooner. I had ultimately made the decision on my own (knowing my H had made changes and went to a counselor to do something). BUT, remember, he didn't "Know" that I had an affair. He didn't WANT to know.

The last method, tough love. That's tricky because it would have been all about the timing. THere were days where I thought if he ever did that I was gone. There were other days where I thought if he did that I would have stopped all of my sh** right then and there. Early on, with the first OM, I probably would have left him. AFter that, if he had forced me, I probably would have chosen him because that is where I was realizing I wanted to be. But, he hadn't done anything until the very end.

hope4us- I got the "Not Just Friends" book finally and I see about the affair "losing its luster". I need to read more.

h4h- I agree. I am not going to tell how much I think about the OM. That will not help us. I will say (if he ever asks) that I still have thoughts of OM, but they are less and less and YOU are the one I want to be with.

CBK-thanks for the hugs and kind words. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

Klm- He didn't ask to read the letter. Thank God.

Puppy- You are right, my H IS a keeper. AND thank you for thinking I am, too. \:\)

Sara- I will be burning the letter as soon as I can. I haven't had time to myself yet.

Jeff- I liked your idea of planning a trip together. You are right, we need to make some new big memories together. I hope you are right that our life together will be wonderful. I'm still worried. I really want to get there, though.

Kat- Ok, what did you want me to give you an opinion on? I'll help ya if I can.