WDID, I haven't posted to you before but I can tell you I would KILL for my WW to have your attitude.
I've read "not just friends" and in the book it talks about how once you come clean and give your spouse all the details they want about the affair it will lose some of the luster it has.
I think if you can get to a point where you share those things with your husband that your feelings for OM will become less and less because you no longer "own" the relationship. Don't get me wrong, you still own the affair, but sharing these things with your husband (according to the book) many times shows exactly what it was to you and then your feelings fade quicker.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
wdid, I am leaning to you NOT telling your H about how much you think about OM.
Concerning the letter, your H needs to understand that OM did not realize that you broke it off to work on your marriage. H needs to understand that OM thought you broke it off because of something he did.
Again, being transparent to H is important.
Again, I just don't think H needs to know how much you think about OM, just needs to know that it is hard on you, too. To me that would me 'nuff said.
Not sure if others would agree with that.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Latest scoop....I have read everyone's response- Thank you! I will respond back, but cant right now.....have to spend LOTS of time with H.
I JUST told him. I said these words: "The guy sent me a letter in the mail. I messaged him back telling him that you and I are together now and he said he wouldn't jeopardize my chance at happiness in my marriage and that there was nothing he could do if I wanted my H." H looked a little taken aback at first. I explained that I actually feel a little better because I had always kind of worried he might still stop by or something. I told him that now, I know he will not and I can stay happy in my home and we don't have to move. My H SMILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then he said something about the phone call hang ups, and I said we could get an unlisted number if he wants. Then, he starts to get going on the fact that I gave him our home number, etc. THen, he shakes his head and says "It doesn't matter." He comes over and hugs me. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN! I said I will always tell you if he contacts me. He gave me a tight squeeze and said, "I know." I hugged him tight back. I'm so lucky to be with this man.
Ok, I have to go. I'll be back later tonight or tomorrow.
WDID - tears welling up in many of our eyes hearing your story. Go figure honesty wins out! Congrats - I am so impressed. We all need you and Sandi to call our WAW's.
I am sooooooo happy for you right now! (((((WDID)))))
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
That is SOOO WONDERFUL! I am very happy and TREMENDOUSLY PROUD of you for making the right choice, and for having done this, your H will begin to have more faith in your M and in you.
Remember - TOTAL TRANSPARENCY AT ALL TIMES. No matter how difficult it might be. The goal is to rebuild and earn your H's trust again. You can continue to do this by being completely accountable for your whereabouts (ie - checking in often, calling if you're going to be late, etc).
Also try to keep in mind that your H's emotions are likely to vary from moment to moment for quite some time. One day he might be happy and confident, and the next he might be angry, or sad and insecure. This is all a very normal process he (and even you) will go through. DO NOT get discouraged or feel that it is hopeless when these latter-type moments arise. Work through them together as best you can. Listen and validate his feelings. Show genuine empathy and your willingness to help him get through it.
Again, GREAT job.
(((((WDID)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
WDID, that is wonderful! I think this will be a big step in you and your H's healing. As GF said, total transparency is important to build back trust.
It is so good to see you doing everything you can to save your marriage. I think the total transparency is a hard thing to grasp for the unfaithful partner. My H feels like when he doesn't tell me things he is protecting me and my feelings....when in reality the secrecy is what the problem is and the secrecy is likely how the R got as far as it did. When something is hidden it puts you back to step one.
I am just curioius, did he want to read the letter?
Latest scoop....I have read everyone's response- Thank you! I will respond back, but cant right now.....have to spend LOTS of time with H.
I JUST told him. I said these words: "The guy sent me a letter in the mail. I messaged him back telling him that you and I are together now and he said he wouldn't jeopardize my chance at happiness in my marriage and that there was nothing he could do if I wanted my H." H looked a little taken aback at first. I explained that I actually feel a little better because I had always kind of worried he might still stop by or something. I told him that now, I know he will not and I can stay happy in my home and we don't have to move. My H SMILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then he said something about the phone call hang ups, and I said we could get an unlisted number if he wants. Then, he starts to get going on the fact that I gave him our home number, etc. THen, he shakes his head and says "It doesn't matter." He comes over and hugs me. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN! I said I will always tell you if he contacts me. He gave me a tight squeeze and said, "I know." I hugged him tight back. I'm so lucky to be with this man.
Ok, I have to go. I'll be back later tonight or tomorrow.
whatdidido: He comes over and hugs me. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN! I said I will always tell you if he contacts me. He gave me a tight squeeze and said, "I know." I hugged him tight back. I'm so lucky to be with this man.
you are both lucky to have each other, we see you with your H and wish.
Time Time Time - its going to take time, but your doing great and you life is going to be wonderful, save up with H and plan some trip together, make memories with each other, enjoy each other, your both are lucky
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ??? let me hope !!! W moving out June 1st - 17 days
