It's really a basic, honest, straightforward approach: "I've been thinking, and I've changed my mind." Hey, don't you WOMEN do that all the time, and tell US MEN you're allowed to???
I'm continually perplexed by betrayed spouses that I encounter on the message boards that pacificistally hold fast to their "But I promised her I wouldn't snoop again," or "I told him he could date other women," or "I promised her I wouldn't tell her family about her affair" positions.
Fighting an affair is like fighting terrorists: they don't play fair, and they don't follow the rules. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with saying "I am NOT okay with you dating other men/women" -- even when you've already said you were.
