btw, there's nothing that says you can't go to your wife and say "Wife, I've changed my mind about us dating other people while we are separated. That was foolish of me to say that -- we are still married, and I would very much like you to honor your marriage vows until such time as we are divorced, and I, of course, will do the same. Will you please end your affair with him, and come back and work on our marriage?"
Have you reconsidered your position? You've unilaterally disarmed, and your wife (and her boyfriends) are NOT going to "play fair." There's only one person here who is motivated to fight for your marriage right now, and that's YOU. When are you going to do it??
