We all wonder whether we'll ever get the people back we fell in love with. Cuz the aliens that are currnetly possessing their bodies certainly are a pathetic substitute.
If you look at the success stories though, the WASs that come back and rebuild their M really do change, show remorse, etc. The OP is just a symptom of deeper issues they are running from. Affairs are like drugs, alcohol, cutting and other DSM - they are an addiction. And until the affairee hits their personal bottom and realizes what they are doing to themselves, their loved ones, their family, the LBS, and their friends, nothing will change. However, that doesn't mean things WON'T change - eventually.
I don't want my alien H back. I want the H back that I married. And I will not settle for less in the long run. However, in the meanwhile, I am being patient. My H needs time to sort through his issues and feelings. Time to realize that the grass isn't greener. Time to realize that his idea of how leaving me was going to be does not match up with reality.
Believe it or not, the LBS is normally the one who actually decides the outcome of the M. The LBS is normally the one who either waits or gets fed up and goes through with the D. The WAS is rarely the one who has the final say, but often they push the LBS beyond what they will tolerate and the WAS will not take them back. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL HERE.
Time is on your side, give him some time alone and with this OW to realize what he's giving up, what he's missing out on. Let reality smack him upside the head with a 2X4 for being so stupid. For now, take care of yourself. Be patient. Hang in there.
(((((((Abbey)))))))
Your H is making a fool of himself. And you are being the wonderful, patient, kind, loving, and strong one in the R. In the long run, he will appreciate that. And if you D, he will regret it.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
