Count down to separation - so we can "try".

[MichelleLT]

(((((((Abbey))))))) This is the most difficult thing most of us have ever been through. Nothing can compare to the emotional pain. But take a few days, think about what you want and what you are willing to do to get there. And most of all, take care of yourself, do what you need to do.

[Starshyne]

I am also right here with you. I know how much it hurts to believe that your spouse has ended it with the OP just to find out that it is back on (or in my case might have moved onto another OW). It just opens those wounds all over again.

My best advice to you is to let things cool down for awhile before you do anything. Don't talk to him, don't have any communication with him for several days. During that time look inward and focus on being the you that you can be.

It is just so difficult, isn't it? It is hard to keep going sometimes because you just never know what is around the next corner. But we are going to make it through this.

Sara

[Abbey]

I don’t even know how to quite feel at the moment. For him to keep continuing to try to hide his stupid affair is 2 fold... to make himself look “good” – which isn’t working out quite like he’s planned... word has it he’s become quite the laughing stock in that little Paton Place community ... and of course is for her benefit (27, married with four kids under 10) – which her husband from all accounts knows about this too. What leaves me shaking my head is how this someone like her could be considered any form of UPGRADE *vomit*

I get she’s looking for a sugar daddy,... and he’s looking for validation for how misunderstood and un-alive he feels and all that other bull-oney.

So... Now, I sit back and wait. I just simply don’t know if I really want this a/h in my life anymore. The lies, lies, LIES and how that’s impacted my own health and mental anguish over the last 4 months, I dunno. Maybe time will make me feel differently and deep down I do love him, but this IS NOT the kind of person I want in my life. There’s just no room left in my heart for this kind of pain.

Do people like him actually come back around and change? He’s a bailer... can’t handle emotional tough work, and will lie and cheat his way through whatever he needs to to get what he wants (clearly)... Is some like this ever trust worthy... can turn around and BE trust worthy? I’m seriously beginning to doubt it. I’ve really began to seriously doubt if he ever was faithful to me before this.... ever.

There’s even a part of me who wants to “get him back”... just to dump him on his fool head. Just such a waste of energy. *sad smile*

Abbey

[MichelleLT]

We all wonder whether we'll ever get the people back we fell in love with. Cuz the aliens that are currnetly possessing their bodies certainly are a pathetic substitute.

If you look at the success stories though, the WASs that come back and rebuild their M really do change, show remorse, etc. The OP is just a symptom of deeper issues they are running from. Affairs are like drugs, alcohol, cutting and other DSM - they are an addiction. And until the affairee hits their personal bottom and realizes what they are doing to themselves, their loved ones, their family, the LBS, and their friends, nothing will change. However, that doesn't mean things WON'T change - eventually.

I don't want my alien H back. I want the H back that I married. And I will not settle for less in the long run. However, in the meanwhile, I am being patient. My H needs time to sort through his issues and feelings. Time to realize that the grass isn't greener. Time to realize that his idea of how leaving me was going to be does not match up with reality.

Believe it or not, the LBS is normally the one who actually decides the outcome of the M. The LBS is normally the one who either waits or gets fed up and goes through with the D. The WAS is rarely the one who has the final say, but often they push the LBS beyond what they will tolerate and the WAS will not take them back. YOU DO HAVE CONTROL HERE.

Time is on your side, give him some time alone and with this OW to realize what he's giving up, what he's missing out on. Let reality smack him upside the head with a 2X4 for being so stupid. For now, take care of yourself. Be patient. Hang in there.

(((((((Abbey)))))))

Your H is making a fool of himself. And you are being the wonderful, patient, kind, loving, and strong one in the R. In the long run, he will appreciate that. And if you D, he will regret it.