Last night was hard. Knowing my W was on a date that she would not return from until this AM. (still not back yet) All I know according to her knowledge is that she went out with a "person" to a "time sensitive thing" and that she would return today. I wished I was in a place to fool around too. I know that is not a wise move, but I want fun and excitement too. I guess my commitment, loyalty, and overall morals are just a bit different. I am seriously questioning her character right now. She has made some poor decisions that I think she would try to blame on our sitch and/or me and where I am re: depression and my communication and over all relationship skills with her. I know logically that I did not force anything but contributed to our current sate of our R. Just wanted to vent some more.
Dmp, I could have written that all too--yes, you and your depression may have contributed to R problems, (just like I'm sure mine last year did too), but there are about a hundred more positive ways to deal with a spouse's depression (getting a therapist involved would be my first choice) and having an affair seems like about the worst choice you could make!
Yes, they want to blame us, but it was they that have made the poor choices, not us. So even though I went through a guilt phase, I've realized it was my H that is messed up and making the bad choices. I have worked on myself and my depression which is the healthiest way to deal with this situation, and done what I can do. I've made every positive change my H wanted and more and he is still with the OW living the "single" life, so it's not about me I realized.
I struggle with the difficulty of not dating as well; I'm jealous that my H is getting the love and intimacy that I would like to be having, but I realize that would be against my morals and character and I don't think it would be good for me or something that would make me feel good about myself. (Plus I would question what kind of person would get involved with a married person too???) It's hard for me too, b/c all I really want to be is married and a homebody and I'm basically being forced to live as a single mom now!!! Karen
Karen
