and I know very well that I do have my own choices here. it is not all in his control or at his will. and instead of leading him like a child, I will let him figure it out as a man. he's been led too many times
Its so great that you see this about your H, that he has been handed everything in his life. He will only truly appreciate you and your R if he can come back by doing his own work. asto is totally correct, let him guide the reconciliation. He knows what needs to be done. You are very grounded and have been upfront about what needs to happen before things are on the way.
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oh, and since I have decided I am neglecting myself far too much, I scheduled a facial for tomorrow...bliss. and a pedi for tuesday. the kids (via h) gave me a gift cert for a day spa, so putting it to good use already. and boy do I need it!
You don't need it girl, but boy, do you deserve it.
thanks so much, saffie! I agree about the eggshells. hell no. no way. I won't go into piecing like that, if that is where we are headed. open communication and real MC (as opposed to that sham half hearted attempt h gave it last time) will be my chosen path.
nikki, I appreciate what you are saying and I hope to be some inspiration, if only that you can make it thru. It can be a loooong process though. but I think dropping the rope, getting on with your life, are things that really helped me. and counseling. and you all here. when I first started counseling I asked my friend (a therapist, not my therapist) how long she thought it would take. when she mentioned likely a year, I was shocked, and horrified and said hell no way. but she was so right, and I'm not done yet, and omg, I love my therapy so much. it seemed like forever to put a time on it like that, but it seems like a moment in a way now that I have been in it for so long. I guess my point is for any newcomers that do read is take it day by day, dont try to put that time on it or it will seem far too overwhelming.
okay, now for tonight, when h got here I left and went to the gym...he seemed bummed a bit that I was leaving, not sure if he wanted the time with me or if he was worried that he did something offputting while here. he asked if he did something, if he was in my way when he was here this morning. I was honest...said not at all, just funny when you have a routine down and I can tell we've been apart for a long time because I'm not used to moving around someone. he understood what I was saying.
can I mention here that a year ago (or more) if he had done something to bother me, I never would have said so? seriously. I would have bottled it up...so bad at communication then. if he had this time, I would have talked to him about it. such a nice difference. and omg, gives me so much hope for any future relationship I have, with or without him.
anyway, he said he got a local hotel room for a couple of nights because he didn't think it was wise for him to keep staying here, and he laughed and said "not that its a possibility." which is isn't right now. but oh how nice it was to be on the same page.
now I just need to hope that he is working on himself finally. that this time alone will be productive for him.
and that he remembered to ask if they had a AAA discount.
lol.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Have no doubts Sally, you're an inspiration. I wish I'd had your strength when my H moved back. When I look at your 'timeline' compared with mine it's only a few months different, but in terms of personal growth I think you're miles ahead of me.
Good job t'night!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
SallyM-- I am SO happy for you--for your strength, resolve, and vision!! You have certainly shown that you will have a wonderful life, no matter what! Hug the babies for all of us--they are blessed to have you. --Donna
nikki, you have been such an inspiration for ME for so long now. I'm glad to see you are where you are, btw. very glad to see. and you will always be an inspiration to me when it comes to home-improvement! I swear I've tackled some projects around here not just because I wanted to prove something to myself, but because I knew what you could do and it made it seem possible.
Donna, thank you so much. (((HUGS))) to you. I know you are struggling a lot right now, but you show your strength every day. keep chugging along. its hard I know.
well, good morning all. I slept a little last night...not much though. too many dreams, too much turning/tossing. but more than the night before so that is something. really really really looking forward to my facial this morning. soooo looking forward to it! I need it. just need to tell the woman to make sure she wakes me in time to get the kids if I fall asleep. lol.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
update: h just called and told me he broke up with her for good, is picking up his stuff tonight (she won't be there) and that he finally feels at peace for the first time in a long time.
then he asked if I was open to talking about us.
I said yes, I was open to, but that I also wanted to make sure he was working on himself, because if he doesn't, I see us right back here, and I never want to be here again.
he asked me on a date this weekend. and I said yes.
o.m.g.
seriously.
taking this slowly. need to process all of this. and need to really get a firm grasp on what I want/need going forward. I have some ideas, but they are fluttering around my brain right now like butterflies and I'm trying to catch them all. this isn't something I've thought about in a while because I truly did not see this path as an option anymore.
I hope noone minds that I keep posting on this board, because I am not ready to leave it yet. is that okay? because I might still be surviving the big d...this might just be another bump in the road. if you do mind, feel free to tell me. but I know a lot of you have gone thru this in the past...attempts at reconciliation. I appreciate your wisdom and experience here very much.
thanks.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I think it is good that you are being so straight with him. If he comes back too soon he may well be tempted to go back to OW as well if she tries to manipulate him. You are so wise to make him 'work' for your M.
Whilst being cautious I am still so very happy for you Sally. I know you haven't thought this was an option for quite a while....but you have never shut the door. I hope this H of yours is good enough to deserve you.
Will he continue to work with OW? This may be an issue if he does.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Whilst being cautious I am still so very happy for you Sally.
Ditto, keep doing what you are doing, you are doing great! and by all means stay here hon, as long as you can, if it helps to keep you grounded and keep your expectations in check. Praying for you, that he only comes back for good, if that is the case)))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
