I don't know what to think of this

[Nutty Chick]

Hi Dar.

It is going to be difficult to break the habit when you are at work. You are surrounded by triggers to call him.

I don’t know what to suggest …

If it were me I would not log onto DBers when at work and try to focus on something else…. I know that is easier said than done when you are relying on the support here.

Give yourself a challenge each day not to call or e-mail him and reward yourself at the end of the day. (That is what I have done in the past)

If you make it 5 days solid, promise yourself that you will have a treat, a nice day out with your daughter.

You just have to get over the first few weeks and it will become easier.

It did for me anyway.

Instead of feeling bad about yourself and beating yourself up after you have called him you will start to feel proud of your strength and determination.

It is like an addiction, and you really need to treat it as such. It is easy for people to say don’t phone … but that is like saying to an alcoholic don’t drink. It isn’t that simple.

Also, it may be worth reading some stuff on co-dependency, it isn’t nice to read (I am a co-dependant person) But it made me realise why I wanted to fix my H and solve HIS problems in much the same way you are.

You said you treated your H badly. He allowed you to do it and when he couldn’t take it anymore he ran away. That is HIS problem he needs to sort it out. Please don’t think I am condoning your behaviour. You were wrong to belittle your H. You realise that now. But you can’t fix his hurt Dar, any more than I can fix my H problems. He will do it himself or he wont. That has to be his choice. He has to figure out why he allowed you to treat him badly and work through his pain in his own time.

In a way, being nice to him now is like an insult.

The change in you, must be confusing to him.

He must wonder which is the ‘real’ Dar.

Give him the space he needs to work through what happened between you.


Nutty x