My story

[rop]

I am still here, still struggling. In the last few days I have been fighting with W a lot, I know it is not good, but after the fight she gets needy, she wants hugs, she gets very nice, she wants me to be ok with her, and I enjoy her effort. Obviously once I am fine with her, and it doesn't take long, she disappears like nothing happened.
I am detaching all right, but being alone is tough. Today I went grocery by myself, it wasn't the first time, but is a very sad chore.... grocery used to be a family event.
I need patience..... lot of it.

[CBK]

Glad you are around still, sounds like you are in a vicous circle right now. When I fight with W, I get her just more pissed at me and no hugs! It is almost like you should fight just for hugs, it is a reward system!

Keep going, I keep detaching more and more - may not seem like it somedays, but like you, some things are lonely, but look at it as part of GALing. I actually like to go to Trader Joe's!

Take care ROP. Let's plan on that beer next week.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

Doing the things that we do is hard. Our WW's are so confused and confusing. One day like this and another day like that. We have to take care of ourselves because no one else is going to do it. Keep trying the WTF attitude see where it takes you. And try to get out and have fun. Thats my hard one.

Have looked into maybe finding a church? I think you mentioned doing this before.

[rop]

CBK, I am thirsty! Any day but Thursday is good for me.

H4H, confused is right word, for me at least, W I don't know.

She is upset with me because I don't give her time to spend with OM - she said she needs time to know him better, but when I say I don't want him around the kids because I don't know who this guy is, she says to relax that she knows the guy very well.... she has been knowing him for years.... when I imply that she has been having this relation for sometime, and it actually started before she asked me to divorce, she says that she just met the guy. So, she lies, here is the confusion.... but I cannot follow it anymore, neither discuss it. I have nightmares about W telling me she has been cheating for years, that she was in love with somebody else for all the time we have been together..... last night the nightmare was that she was telling me the real father of my son was actually a soldier who died in Iraq.... she was crying for his death. Sometime W is nice with me, she talks with a sweet voice and I am ready to melt, but I know the sweetness is because she is ready to ask me a favor of some sort....
My family hate her, they see me suffering and they suffer too, I don't know how that can ever been patched.
Friday night I went out by myself, in a disco club of some sort,
I have been by myself most of the night, and that was sad, then a young lady came close to me and started dancing all sexy, she started touching and she had more hands then an octopus, I have to say I did enjoy the moment, but I didn't follow up. At the end of the night I was even more sad and more lonely. I cannot see a good solution and this tears me apart. Even if she changes her mind, the damage to our relation is so big that I have no idea if it can ever been patched.

[hopeful4her]

You are doing the best you can. The fact that your WW actually spews these things to you is unimaginable. I don't know if I could take the constant reminders that I don't give WW and OM enough time together. I understand your pain. I guess our WW's just don't verbalize the things that they are probably thinking about the OM.

My family is torn, as well. My parents and my sister. The only real family that WW has. I am not sure if they can resore that relationship if we reconcile. It has made me not see them as much, because I know how they feel.

I get the same thoughts. Yesterday for sure, if you read my thread. Why would I want someone who has done this to me? How many other EA have there been? Why do we put up with this sh**!

We know why.

But like Puppy asked me, can you really love the person that she is? Really? Not who you think she used to be. Who she is today.

[rop]

But like Puppy asked me, can you really love the person that she is? Really? Not who you think she used to be. Who she is today.

The answer is NO - I cannot love the person she is now - she is a lier, insensitive, selfish person. A person I could never ever fall in love.

[Ready2Change]

You asked:

http://www.wakerupper.com/

I tried it a few times before going to gym....

Family members can help out too. My mom calls around bed time....

[CBK]

ROP - A buddy came into San Francisco, so I am out tonight - sorry. Let's shoot for next week. I work where the 101 and Brokaw come together by the airport, like you, don't know San Jose very well. There is a Gordon Biersh in downtown, that is pretty good. Let's figure out a night next week.

CBK

[rop]

thank you R2C - wonderful -

CBK - next week is good.

Today I blew it again - I am such a hot head - sometimes I cannot think strait - W asked me to keep the kids for a whole week because she is going on a "business trip" - she told me the dates and I saw there was also the weekend included - business during weekend? The trip is abroad and she said she is going to use the weekend to "look around" as a tourist - I asked strait - is OM going with you? She didn't expect the question and she wasn't able to lie - I said "F** you" and left - The horrible part is that the kids were there listening - I never cursed in front of them and I feel terrible now. D run after me crying saying she loves me, S was mesmerized for what was happening... W is going to use this against me BIG time, I cannot believe I have been so stupid, but I got so angry I was fuming, I went straight to the gym and I pumped so much iron tomorrow I am not going to be able to move.
I hate all this....

[CBK]

ROP -

We need to make our beer sooner than later. That way, when you get to this stage, you can just call me and vent. You are right, this was a backslide. Don't dwell on it, but let's plan on beers or lunch or something next week. We all have our support network and if we can at least swap cell phones, we have the ability to talk it out.

CBK